Great, I’ve inherited this big house from my dad. The only thing he has given me in years. Despite our shared genetics, we were never close. Which is why his soul has turned into a ghost. He can’t move on because of his guilt. He cut mom and me out of his life, but now can’t cut me from his death. So I’m stuck dealing with him in a house that, yes, I’m grateful to have, but I can’t afford the taxes on.
So, if I am going to stay, I’m gonna need some roommates.
Given that my hip arthritis has me in a wheelchair most of the time, I don’t really need the top floor or most of the finished basement. Plus, it’s a basement. Those are kind of creepy anyway. So I may as well rent it out.
Assuming, of course, that I can find people who are accepting of my… lifestyle? Hmm, how will I phrase this ad?
Two Roommates wanted.
Basement and Second Floor (three bedrooms) immediately available. Suburban neighborhood with driveway.
Do I want to mention the school district? No. I don’t want to live with children. They could get eaten, and that’s just too messy.
Attached to Good Psychic Readings.
Is that enough of a warning? Can’t very well come right out announcing I live with monsters.
Cat-friendly. No smoking. There will be a shared area for the kitchen, dining, laundry, and living room.
Do I mention the sunroom? It’s not really shared. And people might be eaten if they go in there.
I wheel out of the copy center with two dozen flyers. Where will I put them? I look at nearby places.
An adult shop? Well, why not.
I roll inside. The sweet smell of the leather section floats over me. It’s nicer in here than I expected. I spot a cute goth girl behind the counter.
“Welcome to Aphrodite's Toychest. Can I help you find your fantasy today?”
“I, no, well, I mean, maybe.” No one has ever offered to find my fantasy before.
She smiles at me. It’s a really great smile. Makes me want to hug her. The feeling from her warm glow is kind of like the feeling of looking at my cat. Fred, not Sir PussPuss.
“Well, we’ve got lots of toys, depending on your preferences. For yourself or to use with someone?”
“Oh. I don’t have a someone. Actually, that’s kind of why I’m here.”
She raises an eyebrow. “I’ve got dolls, but there are no hookers in the back.”
I laugh. “Good to know. I’m actually looking for roommates. The more open-minded variety. I run a psychic business out of my converted garage. I’m hoping to avoid the judgemental types. You know?”
She nods. “Yeah. I can see how a place with fuzzy cuffs probably has a better audience than a grocery store.”
I hand her my ad. “Fuzzy cuffs? My ex stole my last pair. So, since I’m here…”
“Leopard, pink, purple, black, or red?”
“Hmm. My favorite color is copper. Don’t suppose you have that?”
“Not in fuzzy cuffs. Nipple clamps though!”
I laugh. “I’ll take the leopard print, please.”
She rings me up, thanks me, and promises to get the ad seen by the right people.
Check out JR Vincente's blog today for this story from the point of view of that goth cashier!