Sigh

I'm willing to spend $350 to not be questioned and to ensure my survival.

It's not that I can't think of anything better to do with the money. Trust me, I can think of plenty of other ways I'd like to spend it.

But a party for 60 guests. SIXTY. In July or August.  Residential homes aren't set up for that kind of air conditioning requirement. In fact, normal people homes also don't have 60 places to sit. Or enough toilets. Some people have septic tanks that would spill over if 60 people flushed in 3 hours!

Personally,  I have a sofa (3), a love seat (2), a chair (1), two office chairs (2), and two dining chairs (2). That's 10. Not 60.

But really, what was the point of the question? Why have three people asked me why I'm not trying to fit 60 people in a living room in July?

Are you people all apeshit crazy?

There's probably a fire code law thing about maximum capacity. And where the bloody hell would they park? Even with carpooling,  who the hell can fit 30 cars in their driveway? Even 15 cars is crazy!

Am I truly the only smart one?

I mean, I really. Take me out of the equation. Forget that I can't breathe and am a horrible burden in this family because I need cold air and that's asking too damn much from 98% of my relatives. If I wasn't in this damn party, who the hell thinks they have space for 60 people???!!??

Even if 10 don't come, that's 50! If half don't come, that's still 30.

30 places to sit. In a room where everyone can see the bride. And have a table for food.

Who are you people with 30 chairs ON HAND?

Rich people, that's who. Ones with big houses.

Oh, wait.

Without me, it can be outside. More places.

Yeah. I'm the problem.

I am.

And that's why it's being asked.

Annoy me enough and I'll go away.

Really, no need to hurt my feelings. No need to remind me of my depleted value. Just kick me out.

Like the Thanksgiving that John and I paid for, where I was told that I needed to leave because my need for air wasn't important.
Should have let you all starve.

But this is a different set of family.

Doesn't seem to matter.

Maybe I flew off the rails with my answer. Maybe I should be apologizing.
Sorry for my health.

No.

Because I was already paying for everything so my health, my needs,  wouldn't be a burden to anyone.

That's not enough.

Fuck these people.

============================

I have lovely, wonderful friends who love me. They don't love me less when I can't breathe. They don't make me feel bad about myself. I don't regret being alive when I'm around them. I'm glad I have them. I'm grateful for my nano group.

And for my husband, who still loves me even though I broke. And who has told me a blargh-a-jillion times that it isn't my fault. I didn't ask for chemically burned lungs. I just went to work one day and, because safety protocol hadn't been followed (good luck proving it!), inhaled toxins that forever changed my life. Then had some confused docs give me meds that made it worse. Why a lawyer doesn't want a piece of this... Oh,  right,  burden of proof would require many hours of research and I don't live in a movie where some lawyer is eager to prove him/her self by fighting for the cause... and only getting paid 33% of the winnings.

What was I saying?
I don't know.

I'm not ready for summer.

I'm even less ready to deal with this stress.

It isn't fair to the bride and groom that I'm about ready to quit because of one more snarky question from someone else. But I really am.

:'(