normal

(Warning: Language and Pandemic rant. This is not an A to Z post.)

I had a dentist appointment coming up on Tuesday. I have rescheduled it for September. Hopefully, things will go back to normal by then.

OMG. 

Yes, I know. We were a world in need of change. We were a country with some serious problems. For fuck's sake, our two frontrunners for the November election have both been accused of sexual assault, so it's so bad in America that we can't even get someone without a history of criminal behavior to stay in the presidential campaign!

I'll grant you that Bernie dropped out as a way to protest the lack of vote-by-mail opportunities at a time when voting could mean infection. So he was trying to protect his people, which is freaking presidential. But still, look where that leaves us. With an Electoral College picking which sexual assaulter will rule for the next four years. That sucks.

And STILL, I want to go back to normal.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/ryanhatesthis/after-coronavirus-it-will-not-go-back-to-normal

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/04/world-after-coronavirus-pandemic/609775/

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/31/how-will-the-world-emerge-from-the-coronavirus-crisis

https://www.vox.com/2020/4/10/21215494/coronavirus-plans-social-distancing-economy-recession-depression-unemployment

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/21/georgia-leads-race-become-americas-no-1-death-destination/

This exhausted kitty sums up how I feel.
(I got this pic by becoming a Patreon of Niv
https://www.patreon.com/m/4301398/posts
I highly recommend following her.)

You people exhaust Kitty.

Look, what I'm saying is that I would like to be able to make a dentist appointment without wondering if the office will be there, and without thinking there's a good chance a cleaning will actually kill me. I need an x-ray of my lower back. I've been putting that off for two reasons. 1- Because I know the x-ray techs are completely overworked right now. 2- I don't want to get the virus and die from having a back x-ray.

My best friend just lost an immediate family member. How? He broke his leg and went to the hospital to have it taken care of, and then spiked a fever, and then the fever got really high, then they put him on a vent, then in a medically induced coma, and then he died. That was in the span of a few days. And my best friend is three states away so it's not like she can go handle things, or attend a funeral (which are drive-by services where you roll up in your car, pay respects at the casket, and drive off). Plus, she works security for P&G, and it's not exactly the right time to take off of work. (Feel free to click to see what they make. Gold. They may as well be making freaking gold right now. If someone robbed Fort Knox, they'd use the gold to buy stuff from P&G because it's worth more right now.)

So yeah. When I say normal, I mean I want to be able to go to the store and buy Charmin UltraSoft toilet paper and a roll of paper towels and some Lysol disinfectant spray. I want to buy all of those in one shopping trip, like normal. I want to carry them to my car without my husband putting on his Hulk face like, "don't mess with us! These are our products! Stay back!" And I don't want to feel bad if I opt to buy two of any of those items. DON'T TELL ME THAT PART WASN'T WORKING. BECAUSE GOING TO THE STORE TO BUY TOILET PAPER WAS WORKING PRETTY DAMN WELL FOR ME, THANK-YOU-VERY-MUCH.

Change is good. There are improvements that can, should, and must be made to our world.

But there's nothing wrong with wanting to be able to do A SIMPLE FUCKING THING like buy toilet paper, get an x-ray, have a meal with a friend, or go for a dental cleaning.

I AM ALLOWED TO WANT THOSE SIMPLE FUCKING PLEASURES BACK. 

AND FUCK YOU IF YOU TELL ME I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WANT THEM.

It doesn't have to be every day. But yes, I want the option for those things 24/7/365. I want that back. AND I AM ALLOWED TO WANT IT. I'm allowed to want to not worry that my husband went to work today and could get the virus and bring it home to me. I'm allowed to want to not worry that my mom is going to get the virus from her merchandising job. I'd really like to be able to go back to Facebook being happy stuff shared with friends instead of damn near every post being catastrophic. I want healthcare workers to be able to see their families. I wouldn't mind if states stopped trying to outdo each other with death tolls. "My state is gonna be the death destination!" "Nah, I already have a quarter of my citizen throwing suicide parties!" And it sure would be nice to have a president that loves the lives of the people more than money and power. (That's a long-shot dream. I'M ALLOWED TO DREAM.)

But yeah. When I say I would like to go back to normal, I don't mean nothing should change. But there are some basic routine activities that I'd like to have back. This world we're in right now is too stressful and, honestly, I don't know that I can handle the idea of this new level of constant fear and stress as being permanent. And I don't think I'm alone in that.