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Bad dream

Bad dream.

It was a snow day. Or two-hour delay. So I was still high school age. But I was dating my neighbor (who yes,  I did grow up with, but no, we never dated and we barely spoke past 5th grade, and by high school we ran in very different circles... He is probably pro-Trump.). He came over with his mom for some reason. (Okay, his parents are really nice and were even at my wedding.) I had some big essay due, so she was looking over it. Then his dad came and was also looking over it. Neither of them does anything editing related. In fact, in reality, I'd have been the one looking over stuff for them. But in the dream, they found all these mistakes. Stupid, obviously ones. I spelled a caption wrong and the word was on a sign above it. I had th instead of the. At first, I was going to fix it with some white out. But more and more mistakes,  and it was clear I'd need to fix and reprint. But I had to go somewhere to do that, and it was snowing. I was still going to go.

That's when my Aunts and Uncles start showing up. Couldn't get to work and the airport and whatever, so they came here. Some with my cousins. And then dogs. A nice dog I knew. Then two more larger ones I didn't. Then some pony-dog which scared me stiff. And I said, "I'm terrified and can't move. Someone please help me." I was standing inches from the fridge. It was super reflective, like a mirror fridge instead of white, chrome, or whatever. I'm staring at myself, seeing myself unable to move. The people are all just going about their business,  laughing and chatting, ignoring me.

The door opens. Two more dogs. I can see them in the fridge-mirror. One is a great dane, the dog that kind of bit me as a toddler when he was pulling me away from danger (but I was 2 and, yeah...). The other was, I don't know, a Hell Hound from Supernatural? Pure darkness that snuffed out surrounding light making it look like it was in a cloud of darkness. Red glowing eyes. Fangs. It pushed the great dane forward until it bit me. Teeth sunk into my right ass cheek and bottom two vertebrae. I can still feel it. I woke up feeling it. I wasn't laying wired or anything. There's nothing there. Nothing but fear.

Okay. So. What the hell does this mean?

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http://www.matchadream.com/

Seeing a dog in your dream, indicate a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated. If the dog is vicious and/or growling, then it means some inner conflict within yourself. It may indicate betrayal and untrustworthiness. Dreaming that a dog bites you on the leg, suggests that you have lost your ability to balance aspects of your life. You may be hesitant in approaching a new situation or have no desire to move forward with your goals. If the dog is barking ferociously, then it represents your habit of making demands on people and controlling situations around you. It could also mean unfriendly companions.

Dreaming of bites, forewarns of danger from someone who has wished you harm, either physical or monetary. Be careful of people who surround you. Dreaming that you are being bitten, represents your vulnerability regarding your unresolved issues emotions. You may be pestered by a problem or obstacle.

Dreaming of having a good neighbor means enjoyment and tranquility at home. Dreaming of having an angry neighbor means quarrels, dissensions and possibly relocation from your home.

Dreaming that you make a mistake indicates that you are doubting yourself in the choices and decisions you have made.

Seeing an uncle in your dream, represents some aspect of your family heritage and traits. It may also symbolize new ideas and emerging awareness.

Seeing snow in your dream means your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected.

Dreaming that you are or feel helpless, suggests that you are experiencing difficulties in confronting a situation or relationship. You feel that you are unable to take charge of yourself.

Dreaming that you are scared indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence. You may be feeling a lack of control. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.

Seeing your own reflection in the mirror, suggests that you are pondering thoughts about your inner self. The reflection in the mirror is how you perceive yourself or how you want others to see you. You may be contemplating on strengthening and changing aspects of your character. Seeing images through the mirror may be a safe way for you to consider and/or confront material from your unconscious. Mirrors symbolize the imagination and a link between the conscious and unconscious.

Weekend Recap

Watched more Stargate Universe. A McKay episode! ♡

Helped J with some serious website/ blog fixing and stuff.

Repaired my Keurig. It needed to be descaled (you use the WHOLE bottle), burped (like a baby), and rebooted ("Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in 5 minutes later?"). My wifi also needed the unplug treatment.

I missed a call from Renee while I was in the shower. Pretty sure she was asleep by the time I saw it. (Missed text beeps every 5 minutes. Missed calls- nothing. Just a logo on screen.)

I sort of updated my Goodreads.

And there was a 2am grocery run for 5 things. Used a discount for Chinese food. And saw Warcraft for free.

Installed Habitica app to see if I like it.

That was pretty much the weekend.

140 to go

I thought you'd like this Pin on Pinterest... http://pin.it/mw-ysGM

So what's really interesting about this...

A few years ago, in one of my foolish rage phases, I started exercising against medical advice (which was to sit as still as possible as long as possible... I still take issue with that). I lost a few pounds and was all,  "whooo hoo." Then I got sick. Emergency room level of sick. And lost another 20 pounds that weekend. (Yeaaahhh, I don't recommend it.) The next time I worked out, I had a respiratory attack almost as bad as my first one. Then I could barely move for days because it hurt so damn bad.

One of the theories from "the 12" (docs) was that my body fat had stored the chemical I was exposed to. As I lost weight,  I re exposed myself. And thus - BAD. 

This pin is the first time that really made sense to me. How true it is, I don't know. But it collaborates with the docs.

Still not happy about being more than twice myself. But it's better than dead. And better than stuck in a hospital on a vent. So there's that.

Better than bad, but not good,  but acceptable. Yeah, I guess.

Okay,  enough random for tonight.

I had super fun hanging with Katie at Trivet after dropping off Mouse. I tried Disco fries. And the wings Katie raved about (though the wings were not as good as they were Thursday, she said).

And there is tiramisu in my refrigerator, so Yay!

Did I just end a weight post with a foodie moment?

40 percent

I just realized that I have lived here for 40.5% of my life.
I've lived in a place I don't like longer than I've lived anywhere else.

Interestingly, it also means ♡ John and I ♡ have been together for 40.5% of my life.

Hershey's #ChocolateWorld Ride Picture Question

We had our group picture taken before the ride and while we were on the ride. We were standing in front of a green screen. Notice that one of us wore a green shirt. Hilarity!

That's me taking a picture of the picture that's supposedly taken while the ride is in progress. I have no idea where or how to get THAT picture. Anybody?

Looks like good news

Granted,  it's been almost an hour and I haven't heard any more. But this is the update.

So... good news... maybe? Possibly?

(Facebook still hates me. I had Renee just check some for me quick.)

Today

Sitting here waiting for news. (The kind that will be bad, just need to know HOW bad.)

Facebook still isn't working on my phone. And Nope, didn't log into the computer.

A friend of mine ended up at the hospital for more than just routine stuff. So it's depressing over there right now.

I'm going to sit and read a book for a while.

Had some yummy french toast (interesting that auto spell wants to capitalize Toast, but not french...), scrapple, and a scrambled egg for breakfast.

Especially good since all I could get down last night was a slurpee/icee from Turkey Hill.

Donkey Would Be Proud

I earned a ★ star reward ★ from Starbucks. That's right,  another free whatever-I-want.

And I had a great morning with John. Poor hubby, so distracted that he left his water bottle in my car when he darted off to work. Tee hee.
♡

I'm taking a mental health day. There will be no Facebook. Hopefully no wedding stuff. I'm gonna sit and read and that is all. Maybe watch an episode of Fraser (Fraiser, Friaser... The psychiatrist spin off show from Cheers) while I eat my waffles.

That's right,  it's my morning, and I'm making Raspberry Waffles!  Yummy. I don't think I've had them in a year. But waffles and a cappuccino sound like a damn good idea.

Sigh

I'm willing to spend $350 to not be questioned and to ensure my survival.

It's not that I can't think of anything better to do with the money. Trust me, I can think of plenty of other ways I'd like to spend it.

But a party for 60 guests. SIXTY. In July or August.  Residential homes aren't set up for that kind of air conditioning requirement. In fact, normal people homes also don't have 60 places to sit. Or enough toilets. Some people have septic tanks that would spill over if 60 people flushed in 3 hours!

Personally,  I have a sofa (3), a love seat (2), a chair (1), two office chairs (2), and two dining chairs (2). That's 10. Not 60.

But really, what was the point of the question? Why have three people asked me why I'm not trying to fit 60 people in a living room in July?

Are you people all apeshit crazy?

There's probably a fire code law thing about maximum capacity. And where the bloody hell would they park? Even with carpooling,  who the hell can fit 30 cars in their driveway? Even 15 cars is crazy!

Am I truly the only smart one?

I mean, I really. Take me out of the equation. Forget that I can't breathe and am a horrible burden in this family because I need cold air and that's asking too damn much from 98% of my relatives. If I wasn't in this damn party, who the hell thinks they have space for 60 people???!!??

Even if 10 don't come, that's 50! If half don't come, that's still 30.

30 places to sit. In a room where everyone can see the bride. And have a table for food.

Who are you people with 30 chairs ON HAND?

Rich people, that's who. Ones with big houses.

Oh, wait.

Without me, it can be outside. More places.

Yeah. I'm the problem.

I am.

And that's why it's being asked.

Annoy me enough and I'll go away.

Really, no need to hurt my feelings. No need to remind me of my depleted value. Just kick me out.

Like the Thanksgiving that John and I paid for, where I was told that I needed to leave because my need for air wasn't important.
Should have let you all starve.

But this is a different set of family.

Doesn't seem to matter.

Maybe I flew off the rails with my answer. Maybe I should be apologizing.
Sorry for my health.

No.

Because I was already paying for everything so my health, my needs,  wouldn't be a burden to anyone.

That's not enough.

Fuck these people.

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I have lovely, wonderful friends who love me. They don't love me less when I can't breathe. They don't make me feel bad about myself. I don't regret being alive when I'm around them. I'm glad I have them. I'm grateful for my nano group.

And for my husband, who still loves me even though I broke. And who has told me a blargh-a-jillion times that it isn't my fault. I didn't ask for chemically burned lungs. I just went to work one day and, because safety protocol hadn't been followed (good luck proving it!), inhaled toxins that forever changed my life. Then had some confused docs give me meds that made it worse. Why a lawyer doesn't want a piece of this... Oh,  right,  burden of proof would require many hours of research and I don't live in a movie where some lawyer is eager to prove him/her self by fighting for the cause... and only getting paid 33% of the winnings.

What was I saying?
I don't know.

I'm not ready for summer.

I'm even less ready to deal with this stress.

It isn't fair to the bride and groom that I'm about ready to quit because of one more snarky question from someone else. But I really am.

:'(