#AtoZChallenge King

There was a picture at my wedding where it looks like I'm wearing a crown (due to the banner behind me), and my Daddy joked, "where's mine?" So I added one and that is his picture in my phone. King Daddy. 

His Santa 🎅 funny shirt reads "Next year, I'm installing a windshield on my sleigh!" There are images of splattered bugs. 

WEP Kitchen Counters and the Refrigerated Kind #WEPFF

Hello reader! Today's post has three parts. First, a memory and why I'm so excited about this challenge. Second, the flash fiction, which is mostly meant to be funny, but is a slight commentary on how beliefs factor into arguments. And third is an info dump of knowledge related to the prompt.

💝🤵👰🔔 Wedding day memory:

Close Encounters was one of my mom's (RIP) favorite movies. Her mobile phone was an ancient slide-open, not smartphone. (Morpheus had one in The Matrix.) You couldn't add ringtones, you used one of the dozen offered in the menu. The tones from the Close Encounter movie, "🎵 do do do do do" was her ringtone (and notification sound, alarm sound, etc). By April 2007, when I got married, no one else I knew still had one of those phones. Everyone else had smartphones with specialized ringtones. So, when you heard the sound from the movie, you knew "the aliens are contacting mom!" 

Also, everyone else I knew hit "silent mode" for events like a wedding. 

There I am, up on the altar of the church, holding my groom's hands, the Pastor reciting from the Bible. 

"🎵 Do do do do do"

*Must not laugh*

"🎵 Do do do do do"

I hear my brother trying to stiffle his laugh. *Must not laugh. Must not look at Kevin. Will not be able to contain laugh if I look at brother.* 

"🎵 Do do do do do"

We can hear my mom reaching down her dress, because she always kept her phone in her bra. Apparently, my wedding day was no exception! (No, the phone didn't have a camera. No, it was not one of her bosses calling.) It was the alarm on her phone she had set to go pick my brother up for work. Mind you, he was now out of high school and had his own vehicle and she hadn't picked him up in years. But she kept the alarm because she liked the reminder that it was that time of day. (The way Church bells used to ring out at noon to mark the time. But this was more like 2:30.) 

She managed to shut it off. My brother and I managed (barely) to contain ourselves until after the ceremony. And then lost it in the receiving line as guests were exiting, and someone asked me what the "kinda familiar music" was during the ceremony. 🤣🤣😄😄😄😄😅

Wedding Day back in 2007. There's my mom beside me.

So, yeah, when I saw this prompt, that was the first thought to spring to mind. And I have been waiting for months to share that with you, dear reader. I hope you're giggling. I'm grateful for that memory. That's really who my mom was; she could make you laugh even at the most serious moment, sometimes without trying. 

The Flash Fiction:

Kitchen Counters and the Refrigerated Kind

By Jamie

687 words MPA

Tag: What if you're an alien to those in your refrigerator? 

🥔

"Russet, Russet, did you see that? In the light. There was a form." 

"My eyes are not what they once were, though I have more of them now. Listen, Spud, we're not meant to know what happens in the light." 

"What's all this commotion?" Water asked.

"Spud sprouted new eyes today, Water Sir, and thinks he saw something while the Great Light was on," Russet answered.

Gasps and murmurs came from the other occupants. 

Vanilla Yogurt rumbled, "We are not to observe the goings on when the Great Light is lit. That simply isn't done. If you had cultures, as I do, you would know this. Your kind does not belong here." 

"I'm in my proper drawer!" Spud cried. "I came to this place, same as you. And have been a resident longer."

"Butterworth. Butterworth! Ketchup, nudge her for me, will you?" Vanilla Yogurt waited while the door condiments woke the ancient syrup. 

"Yes, child?"

"You have survived here the longest. Does Spud belong?" 

The syrup teetered side to side for a moment. "It is not for us to say. That is for the being who comes in the light." 

More gasps came from the residents. 

"Butterworth, surely you do not believe in such stories?" Vanilla Yogurt asked, appalled at the idea. 

"Look to the one beside you. Once, she was filled with a butter spread. Now? Leftovers." 

The container wept. "It's true! I went to a hot, wet place, where everything in me was taken away. Then a dark, dry place, with other containers who once lived here. And then a different food was put in me. I returned here. And then I was put in a horrible place where heat shook me to my molecules. Then the food was gone. Then back to the wet place, the dark place, refilled with food, and here I am again. I don't know who I am anymore!" 

A voice squeaked from the smaller drawer in the middle. "I was once huge. But now, only a little of me remains. I am taken by the being in the Great Light, shoved against something sharp, and bits of me shred away. See the marks?" 

Vanilla Yogurt huffed. "Yes, Cheese, we've all heard your complaints and threats to spread mold to us all. The fact remains that Spud and Russet do not belong here. Italian Dressing, certainly you know what I mean." 

A thick accent accompanied the response from the door resident. "Ah, SÌ, but nor does Baby Tomato. Look at my label. Refrigerate after opening. See Baby Tomato? Do not refrigerate. The mark of one who does not belong." 

Cries came from the container as the babies suffered from the insult and truth. "Our flavor, texture, and scent! The volatiles are suffering." 

"Spud, what does your label say?" Vanilla Yogurt asked. 

Russet mumbled, "Cool, dark place. This drawer is cool. And, until the Great Light comes on, it's dark."

"Your starch turns to sugar in here," Water said. 

"That is old thinking. We're in here to avoid going bad," Russet said.

"You're covered in old eyes and leaking. How's that working out for you?" Water spoke with a mocking tone.

"We are not the problem. The being in the Great Light is. We have encounters where the being just turns on the light. And ones where it leaves another resident. Times that it shuffles us around, checking us, but taking none. And other times that we are taken forever." Russet summarized.

Butterworth piped up. "And a fifth encounter. When all are removed while the being wipes down our entire home. Only some of us return, but any who survive never forget the foray between the world of our refrigerator and the terror of the kitchen counters. That is why the oldest of us all believe in the being." 

Concerned mutters filled the fridge. 

"This is nonsense," Vanilla Yogurt called out. "There is no being out there. We are only here. We come and go, our numbers always changing. But this is all there is. My cultures are offended by other suggestions. Live and active cultures! There is no higher wisdom." 

Info dump:

Tom Gauld's cultural cartoons

While thinking about inspiration, I wondered what the first and second kind were, as aliens were obviously the third. I was surprised to learn that it's all aliens, and the classification is actually about the type of contact. Stephen Spielberg paid Hynek a thousand dollars to use "of the Third Kind" in the movie title. 

Hynek's classifications:
(And story examples)

The First Kind: Something spotted in the sky but leaves no evidence.

(Spud claims to see a being in the Great Light.)

The Second Kind: A UFO leaves physical traces such as burns on the ground, crop circles, broken branches, etc.

(The being leaves a new resident.)

The Third Kind: Contact is made with a U.F.O and an alien lifeform. 👽

(Times the being shuffles the residents around without taking any.)

The Forth Kind: Alien abduction.

(The Butter Spread that was emptied, washed, filled with leftovers, heated, washed, put away, refilled with leftovers, and put back in the refrigerator.)

The Fifth Kind: Earth and an alien society have regular interactions and communications. 

(Butterworth is the nearest, knowing the being exists. But there's no real interaction/ communication. Feel free to go to your own fridge and chat with the residents there. 😉)

This scale was based on believing people who report encounters. It has been replaced. 

The International Astronautical Congress put together the Rio Scale.

It is a 1 to 10 scale and functions first to discredit anyone who reports encounters. For those who cannot be discredited (written off as whack-jobs 😵🤪), the scale then works to write off the event by blaming the weather, magnets, etc. 

By the way, I'M BACK ON TWITTER! @PenMinion

Did you know about the scales? Do you believe we aren't alone in the universe, that there could be another planet with a higher-intelligence lifeform out there? 

Insults

When someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you because you asked, when they spend dozens of hours on something which benefits you completely and not them at all,  and when that person has successfully done this chore dozens of times in the past, don't insult them by implying they are useless and incompetent 12 hours before the event.

Forget wedding etiquette,  how about just trying to be a decent person? How about just giving a damn about the feelings of someone else.

Logic - it is not for everyone

Here's what bugs me.

Scenario:

Dave's Pie.

H considers buying from Dave's Pie. B is in crazy lust with Dave's Pie, maybe it's doing Dave, no one knows. K has had bad experience with Dave's Pie.

K outlines the reasons not to go to Dave's Pie. The multiple food poisoning and listeria concerns. The warnings on several website about contamination. The records of the times the health department has shut them down or fined them. And K provides a list of other pie places,  which are lower in cost and have reputations for being stupendous.

H agrees that Dave's Pie is a bad idea. H Thanks K for the save. Bullet dodged!

But B still wants Dave's Pie, and wants others to be presented with a scenario where it's rude not to have some. "Raise your fork in honor of this," scenario so anyone not having a pie from Dave looks like a mean idiot who hates America, God,  Family,  and everything else that offends people when someone gets all dishonorable. Make a big deal. Act like not wanting food poisoning is somehow a bad thing.

"H, how about Dave's?"
"You know what we should do,  H? Dave's Pie."
"Omg why haven't we just gone to Dave's Pie?"
"It would be so much simpler to go out of the way to order from Dave's pie that doesn't have the flavor you want and can't get the pie in time but they are so worth it!"

Somehow B talks H into it by just bugging her until logic goes out the window. Like handing matches to a toddler because they won't stop screaming so the heck with it, let them set themselves on fire!

Wait... ummm...

Well, like my post title says: Logic- it is not for everyone.

I'm not re- presenting the argument against ""Dave's Pie."" Nor do I feel it is my duty to out-tantrum B.

As Cartman puts it,  "Screw you guys,  I'm going home."

K for Kitty out.

#atozchallenge #wedding Thank you notes - a Reflections post

#atozchallenge Zero Missed #wedding Photography Shots and My last budget tip for the A to Z of American Wedding Planning for People Who Make Under 30k a Year

Remember back during my letter S post?

You can reuse these wonderful volunteers at the reception! Lead people to the photobooth. Make sure they get in a picture at some point.

“Was Uncle Jim there?”

“I think so.”

“He’s not in any of the pictures.”

“But he just died! Why don’t we have even one picture?”

Don’t be that couple. Unless “Uncle Jim” has a legit reason for avoiding pictures (religious belief, witness protection, etc), be sure to snap at least one. The bride and groom do not have time to make sure this happens. But you can assign people to the task!

That was one of my tips for making sure you have a picture of everyone on your special day. The other tip is to give a list to the photographer.

But not just a list people you want pictures with, but also of pictures you want.

• A shot of your wedding rings.
• The groom tying his tie.
• Father of the bride helping her with the veil.
• The shoes of the bridesmaids.
• Generation shot of Grandma, Mom, and Bride.
• Little final touches like gems in your hair or a penny going in your shoe.
• Picture of your invitations (though you could take that yourself).
• Solo shots of wedding party members
• The decor (you decorated for a reason!)
• The food (I know, I know... but you'll probably forget in ten years otherwise)
• Several angles of the cake
• The special first dances
• Pic of toasts, and the newlyweds listening to those
• The bouquets
• Cake cutting

 Any professional photographer will expect you to have such a list, and probably have dozens more ideas to add to it!

They are sticking around, after all. I mean, you're going to feed them.

Feed who?
Yeah. My last budget tip for the A to Z of American Wedding Planning for People Who Make Under 30k a Year is to remember to budget food for people you've hired. The minister and a plus one will probably expect it, even if they say they don't. The photographer almost certainly expects it. Catering staff might also require it. The DJ probably needs to be fed. You get the idea. 

#atozchallenge Youngsters at the #wedding

I've already mentioned children in previous posts.
Here's a quick list of tips!

• Child meals should cost less. Check with whoever is charging you for food.
• Children have allergies. Know about it beforehand.
• Children are the most likely to blow wedding bubbles (or whatever you're using).
• Children and alcohol do not mix. Carefully consider this if having an ice luge. 
• Put some items under $10 on the registry so kids can chip in for a gift.
• Children might have bedtimes, so parents might need to leave early. Plan accordingly.
• If you expect more than 5 children, set up a "kid play area" for them.
• Screaming babies are the #1 reason to ask about a closed-circuit feed of your wedding playing in another room. 
• Flower girls and Ring Bearers need extra practice. Training. Not just one night before rehearsal.

Zip back tomorrow for a final photography tip.

#atozchallenge X at the #wedding

To invite or not to invite, that is the question.
No is the answer.
No, don't invite your X.

Why are you scrolling down here? Ohh... you want the eXceptions. Okay, here we go:

• The X has switched gender preferences
• The X is a family member and your other half insists on the invite for that reason
• The X took a vow of chastity and is now "married to religion"
• This is the only way your offspring with the X can or will attend

And that's it.

"But we're bestest friends now! Seriously, there's nothing going on."
Why don't you have that level of friendship with the person you're marrying?
"I haven't known my intended as long."
And you never will. That's how time works. You'll also never be older than your older sibling, unless the older sibling is a leap-year baby and even then it's a technicality.
"Yeah, but it's my wedding. I can invite whoever I want!"
No. You can invite whoever you and the person you are marrying choose to invite.
"But spouse-to-be said it's okay."
Was there guilt? Did the future other-half need to prove just how okay s/he is with you still being friends with the X?
"The X is helping to pay for the wedding. The X has access to a wedding-related thing and is giving it to us or discounting it, and therefore..."
*sigh* Now it's a debate between etiquette and the feelings of the spouse-to-be. Which matters more?
"Seriously though, my whole family and all my friends are cool with my X."
And are they equally cool with the person you're marrying? Or will breaking up with you seem like the best way to get these people to like him/her?
"But I'm happy now! I want to rub that joy in the face of my X."
Uh huh. That's not healthy. Please Google a therapist.


Do what you like. But as far as saving money goes, not inviting the X is one less meal to buy.

#atozchallenge W for wax seals and White House #wedding invitations

Wax seals look great when done properly. However, they may change the weight enough to increase the cost of mailing. Also important to note is that wax seals can't survive the fast sorting normal process of the USPS. You need to ask for hand stamping.

If you happen to like the President, you can send an invitation to the White House. The first family probably won't show up, or even personally see your invite-- but the correspondence office will send you a nice reply. Your tax dollars already paid for this, so you may as well enjoy the citizenship perk.

https://whitehouse.gov/contact/presidential-greetings-request

Send it at least 6 weeks in advance.

There are other non-W places you can send invitations to if these collections interest you.

#atozchallenge #weddings V for Veil, gloves, and shoes

There are many accessories for the wedding day. I'm not going to go into jewelry here. I'm just going to touch on the three disaster-averting accessories that my vast wedding knowledge encompasses.

Veil -- There are several lengths of veils. Not every bride wears a veil. Some brides have a blue trim on their veil.

Something borrowed
Something blue
Something old
Something new
And a six pence
for her shoe

When people hug you (during the receiving line just after the wedding ceremony), the hug pulls the veil. The longer the veil, the more pull you'll feel. If it isn't well secured in your hair, someone will pull it off. The line stops while that's dealt with. "OMG your hair! And just before pictures. I'm sooo sorry. Here, let me fix it." "No, let me." "Here, we can just do this..."

Prepare accordingly.

Gloves -- The trouble with gloves is dealing with them in addition to putting a ring on. The upside of gloves is for people who don't like to touch sweaty hands. You end up shaking a lot of hands. Some people are more germ-a-phobe than other people. Gloves don't just look elegant, they help with this sort of problem.

Shoes -- Wear comfortable shoes. Whatever type you normally wear is what you should wear this day. You'll be on your feet for most of it! Will people see your shoes? Depends on how long your dress is and how high you lift it when walking, getting out of vehicles, and or taking the stairs. At the very least, pack comfortable shoes in the Bride's Emergency Kit (see letter K). You might want them by that 30th dance after Uncle Ted steps on your toes.

Tune in tomorrow for information on Wax Seals and White house Invitations. 

#atozchallenge U for Unexpected #wedding fees

I talked about this a bit before, especially in letter D. I'm going to touch on it a bit more so you can avoid the pitfalls.

First- remember those wedding shows I talked about? Be careful about hiring anyone outside of your area. I knew a bride who got a great deal on flowers... until the transportation fee came later! 90-mile drive, both ways, at 50 cents a mile = an extra $90.

Another couple discovered there was a cost for cake cutting not previously disclosed. Tuxedo cleaning bill from the rental place-- yup, I've seen that. (And $7 for a pair of black socks!) A reception hall that charged a fee claiming the caterer broke the marble floor. (Luckily, the caterer saw it when he came in and had the good sense to get proof that it was like this upon entering and was not damage done by himself or his staff.) Corking fee-- that's when they charge to open bottles. Ice sculpture drainage fee (the most bizarre fee I've seen yet because, yes, it was a charge to put water down the drain). Clean up fee because the wedding left behind flower petals or the reception left behind glitter and confetti.

Final note- Postage. There are size and weight restrictions to determine if your invitations are First Class (normal rate) mail or not. Find out before you order or address them. It adds up quick! And if you've seen those adorable invitations in boxes and such, go check the price of mailing them before you invest. I'm not suggesting that you're the type of bride or groom who will spend $10 an invite to mail potatoes -- I'm just saying that if you ARE using http://www.mailaspud.com/ to know what the price is upfront.

Tomorrow I'll venture into accessories-- veil, gloves, and shoes! 

#atozchallenge #wedding Reception T for Turning the Room

Today’s post is all about Turning the Room, tables, and seating charts.

Turning the room is when the wedding and reception are in the same place. Not just the same general location, but the SAME place! Guests come in. Chairs are in line facing the alter area. There’s an aisle in the middle or the sides. It’s set up for a wedding.

Then guests go out. The party takes a few pictures. Bride, Groom, and party leave for more pictures. A staff comes in and transforms the room into a reception hall.

And that’s what turning the room means. To turn the room from one function to another. Like making a sitting room into a dining room in a house just by rearranging some furniture and decorations.

The drawback is that the guests need to be entertained for that hour between while things are set up and the wedding party is having pictures done. I’ve never been to a wedding that did this well. I’ve been to a few that wished they had thought of it.

“We’re trying to get our pictures done. Please stop distracting the party. Hit on the bridesmaid later. No, it isn’t beer o’clock. Can you keep your kid over there? Yeah, tell me the story later. Sorry, I can’t selfie right now. The photographer leaves in TWENTY MINUTES. OMG where’s the Best Man?”

Look at your guest list. What will occupy those people for an hour? Is there an activity for the children? Are there appetizers? Will weather be an issue? Are you getting your pictures taken far enough away to avoid the party being distracted before you loose the light?

Maybe I sound like Debbie Downer, but I’ve seen these problems. My experience could save you. This is an opportunity to prevent disasters with just a little planning.

Speaking of preventing disasters with planning… THE SEATING CHART.

Use post-it notes or an easy to drag and drop program. You’ll be redoing that chart. If you’re lucky, you won’t have to redo it 14 hours before the reception. (Thanks, Dad. A last-minute invite was just what I was hoping for… especially since it’s someone I don’t know.)

Check out your family traditions! A few of them ask you to leave a chair for the “unexpected guest” or the ghost of a family member. There are some wonderful stories that will warm the heart if you look into this. Does it have to be a tradition from your family to adopt it? Nope.

How do you make a seating chart? Let me tell you the NUMBER ONE most important part. Nope, it isn’t names (that’s number two). It isn’t who is speaking to each other and who isn’t. It’s TABLE SHAPES AND SIZES!!!

Round table, square table, long rectangles locked together… without knowing the shape, you can’t manage to work out the sketch of the room. And without knowing how many people fit at a table, you can’t assign seats.

Yes, if you have more than 20 people total, you need to do this. Seriously.

Check with those guests from the H post. Does someone have hearing aids, and thus need to be away from the DJ to hear anything? Can a wheelchair guest get easy access to the bathroom and other areas?

Table numbers- The wedding party is at the head table. Parents are at table one.

Read it again. Parents are at table one. 1. Grandparents are at 1 or 2. Siblings are at 1, 2, or 3 (count up if you have lots of them and they aren’t in the party). If they land at any other number, the gossip hounds descend and feelings get hurt. I don’t know why people care, but they do. No matter where you opt to put those people in the room, that’s the table numbers they have.

Any questions?

#atozchallenge S for Sign the #wedding Guestbook

The wedding guest book does NOT have to be a book! Find a frame with a large mat to go around an 8x10 portrait (pic to be added after the wedding). Have everyone sign that. Or make a tree to go with a nature theme, and everyone signs in on the leaves. There are a million other creative ideas out there on this subject. And yes, you can do more than one. Yes, you can have guests sign in with colored pens. It’s your wedding, do what makes you happy and what fits your theme.

                              

Here’s the big insider tip:

Get someone to stand there and tell people what to do. Don’t leave guests to guess. Even if it’s really simple. You know what’s simpler? Skipping it. And some people will.

This is what greeters are for. They aren’t actually part of your wedding party. But they dress nice (suit, pretty dress, or whatever the theme is) and welcome your guests to the wedding. These people (you want two, more if you have over 500 guests) hand out programs and corral guests to your signing area.

You can reuse these wonderful volunteers at the reception! Lead people to the photobooth. Make sure they get in a picture at some point.

“Was Uncle Jim there?”

“I think so.”

“He’s not in any of the pictures.”

“But he just died! Why don’t we have even one picture?”

Don’t be that couple. Unless “Uncle Jim” has a legit reason for avoiding pictures (religious belief, witness protection, etc), be sure to snap at least one. The bride and groom do not have time to make sure this happens. But you can assign people to the task!

Sometimes a DJ is also good for this. Back in the day of 35mm disposable cameras, DJs had “games” going that ensured at least 12 pictures were taken at each table. Pass the camera, scavenger hunt, etc. But it’s 2016! Go back to the Q post and see if you can come up with a creative way to deal with this.

Or… get it on the contract with the photographer. If that person has the help of your cousin who knows every family member and the groom’s friend from the neighborhood, between them they can figure it all out. Perhaps go over some of it beforehand. Give checklists. Again, consider that the greeters already know who’s there and who isn’t.

Last note- Greeters also bring your guestbook (or creative such item) to the reception for you. A handful of guests might not make it to both. Sometimes considered tacky, sometimes considered a blessing (screaming children), and occasionally just how life is (darn airline pilot cousin who didn’t land in time). If you have someone who is ridiculously organized, they can stand there with a list (perhaps on a digital tablet) and ask guests to verify their addresses for you. Helps when you mail those Thank You notes.

Is the reception in a different location? Tune in tomorrow to learn about Turning the Room.

#atozchallenge R is #wedding Reception parking and Restrooms

Back in the H post, I mentioned handicapped guests. I’m bringing them back up in case you have any and haven’t thought about their bathroom and parking needs. While you’re at it, check those bathrooms out! A kitchen is typically as clean and well-kept as a bathroom. Think about that if you’re ordering your food there. Women will especially comment on a nasty bathroom, and compliment a well-kept one. (A bar around me received a special local award due to the overwhelming number of women who voted it best bathroom in the area—it wasn’t even a category! Write-ins. Ha ha.) By the way, how big is your wedding dress? Can you, dear bride, and that dress fit into those stalls? Best to check before you put down hundreds of deposit dollars.

Back outside, count the number of parking spaces. Factor in the number of guests, and about how many cars they have. I’ve been to receptions with a shortage of parking. It isn’t pretty. I’ve seen cars getting towed. Heard DJs pause the music, “will the red Ford Mustang, plate A2ZR-0421 (ha) please move your vehicle out of the neighbor’s driveway.”

Planning avoids disasters. That could be your getaway car out there. The tow-truck taking away the Just-Married mobile and having to spend $500 to get it out… not the best way to start a marriage.

#atozchallenge Q is for QR code for #wedding #pictures

 

How tech savvy are your guests? If you’ve invited a room full of smartphone users, the chances are that’s a room filled with cameras.

“I took some pics. I’ll put it on Facebook for you.”

“Hashtag wedding pics are up on Twitter!”

“I selfied into some of your wedding pics and Mayfair filtered on Instagram.”

You get done with the wedding, possibly zip off to the Honeymoon, and it can be days before you search for those pictures. Newsfeeds bury them. What’s a newlywed to do?

QR Code.

Have a site. A location to get all your pictures. Whatever photo storage cloud you feel most comfortable using, and that other people can upload to without a password or complicated process. Don’t bother asking guests to type in a link… Silly, this isn’t 2006! Make a QR code and pass that out. Put it on the tables. Add it to the wedding programs. Make it known.

Not everyone will use it. But the more that do, the easier your life will be. Then you can gather all those pics together and wait for a sale at a site, such as ClarkColor or Walgreens, and then get prints at a discount.

O is for Offerings, Gifts, and Registries #atozchallenge #wedding

What a wonderful world it would be if everyone knew exactly what you wanted and needed for your wedding.

But they don’t. And they are probably poor guessers. “A can opener? Umm, sure, everyone needs to open cans.”

That being said, there will always be some people who will get you whatever they feel like getting you and that’s that. My grandmother was well known for giving the same thing at every wedding shower. Brides got two laundry baskets filled with all the basic household items. Paper towels, tissues, toilet paper, coffee filters, pens, napkins, dish towels and wash cloths, etc. And that was great. Aunt Elinore crocheted blankets for all new couples-- that's absolutely priceless.

For the rest of us, there’s the gift registry. Pick a store, drag your other half along, and decide what you’d buy if you could afford it. Get a few less expensive items on there, especially if kids are coming. “But I wannnaa give them a gift toooooo.” And add two or three big ticket items. Your wedding party will probably chip in together to get you a big gift.

Speaking of, what gifts are you getting for them? On your wedding day, it is customary to give a little gift to your party. Engraved toasting glasses, flasks, fancy keychains, necklaces and cufflinks… If you’re looking for more ideas and ways to save money on this, here’s a link to Oriental Trading Co. I’ve mentioned that company before as a money saver. http://refer.orientaltrading.com/pu354

If you get married in a religious establishment, it is generally customary to give an offering. The bride and groom put together the pre-determined amount of money and seal it in an envelope. The Best Man hands this to the officiant after the ceremony.

Join me for tomorrow’s post warning you about the Pots and Pans Scam.

N is for Nutrition #atozchallenge #wedding

Yesterday I talked about a food horror story. Today I’ll discuss other foods at your wedding.

THE CAKE

First off, look at the image I used for my logo for this series. It’s cookies and milk. You do not have to serve cake. There is a small percentage of the population that doesn’t even like cake. (What? Yes, really. Not, me. My friend JR @JRVincente of the ADULT blog https://jrvincente.wordpress.com doesn’t like cake. That wedding had Strawberry Shortcake, which isn’t really cake, and white chocolate dipped strawberries for feeding each other. The bride is allergic to chocolate.)

All that being said, the cake (or dessert of choice) will be heavily photographed by the guests. If you really like these guests, consider acquiring little take home boxes. “My husband Stan had to work at the hospital and couldn’t make it. Could I possibly take him a slice of cake?” Someone is going to ask you a question along those lines.

Who cuts the cake? Other than that first slice by the newlyweds, someone has to cut the rest of it. Work out beforehand if your caterer or baker will do this. There are also cases where the cake is fake! That’s right. It’s falling out of style now, but for awhile those big, beautiful cakes were Styrofoam with frosting and decorations. There’d be a sheet cake “in the back” which was served to your people. In some cases, this saved money. In other cases, this service costs extra. Check around.

Important note— there are MANY flavors of cake and icing available. Some have berries and nuts. If you are going to serve any of these, LET YOUR GUESTS KNOW before the cake cutting. Especially with nuts. So many people today have allergies. You don’t want pictures of Uncle Jim being carted away in an ambulance because there was almond extract in the cake.

Just the cake? Of course not. You might consider adding a food allergy line to your wedding RSVP cards. Might it cost a little extra to get cousin Timmy a gluten free, nut free, shellfish free plate? Maybe. Is it better than having Timmy in anaphylactic shock at your reception? Absolutely.

Appetizers should be considered if your guests will be sitting around waiting for the bridal party to get back from pictures. These don’t have to be expensive. Nor should they be overly filling. It could be bar snacks.

Speaking of which, you don’t have to have an open bar. Some people hear “open bar” and decide that it’s a good time to drink more than a college frat house does in a month. Then they drive. So here are some alternative ideas to start:

• A partially open bar where only certain drinks are free, or the first two are free
• A fountain with one kind of drink and a keg, but no other alcohol
• A juice and smoothie bar (can get expensive)
• A cider bar (excellent for autumn weddings)
• A coffee and tea bar
• A flavored water bar

For those of you who want to spend extra on drinks, check out ice luge drinking. A bartender (or whoever) pours the drink at the top, and it slides down the ice into a glass (or open mouth). Beware that children will want to try this, and pouring juice down the same slide that had alcohol is probably not a great idea. Plan accordingly.

Speaking of children… you aren’t paying the same rate for a plate of chicken nuggets as you are for the adult’s chicken cordon bleu, are you? Don’t get ripped off. And don’t pay for babies to get a meal. Parents bring their own food for babies. (Unless, perhaps, you are a baby food maker with a known artisan shop or something.) This is yet another question to add to your RVSP, if you plan to invite children to the wedding.

Tune in tomorrow for a discussion about Offerings, Gifts, and Registries

M is for Meat Undercooked Main Course #atozchallenge #wedding

Today’s post begins with a horror story.

Bride Janice served beef at her wedding reception. The reception was at a fire hall (common in Pennsylvania), but it was a new one, and most of the accompanying station wasn’t built yet. The beef was undercooked. Actually, it wasn’t cooked. It was rare. The plastic knives couldn’t cut it. The blood ran into the vegetables and mashed potatoes. My brother tried to cook his over a tea light candle. There were cows outside mooing, or maybe they were inside… But there was no real heat source at the location, so the meat couldn’t be cooked. 

Only a handful of guests bothered to eat this $75 a plate (she showed me the bill) meal. Since everyone was hungry, the reception didn’t last long. Well, that’s one way to get everyone to leave early. 

Bride Q served a 20 foot hoagie (submarine, hero) as a main course in her backyard reception. There was lemonade, some veggies and dip, and a tray of fruit. Everyone had their fill of food. People complimented her on how nice it was. 

Only in wedding planning do people consider paying hundreds or thousands of dollars for food they’ve never tasted and generally can’t send back. Be wary of any chef who will charge you for something but won’t let you taste test a sample first. Get three references from other brides who have used the chef’s service within the last six months. 

How is this a money saving tip? Food poisoning leads to hospital bills… so avoid one, avoid the other, and viola— you’ve saved yourself money.

You’re welcome.

Tomorrow will be a different discussion on food.

L is for Limo #atozchallenge #wedding

Limousine, carriage, bus, car, van, tractor, horse... you're going to need transportation. (Unless the party is at your place.)

Some wedding dresses are not conducive to driving yourself. If you plan to do it, I urge you to try it out beforehand. Wedding days should not include a mishap where the bride’s gown gets caught under the gas pedal.

Consider how much transportation you need and when. There’s travel from wherever the bride and her party gets ready, and travel from wherever the groom and his party gets ready—to the ceremony location. Then there’s the ceremony, which might last up to three hours (depending on what you have planned). Next up is usually pictures, some of which will probably be at your ceremony site, and some which will require the party to visit another, more scenic, location. Then it’s usually on to the reception hall. Factor in at least five hours. Now everyone needs to get home. There may be various levels of sobriety to consider.

Limousine companies may charge by the hour, which can make this an impractical option. Research is needed to get the best deal. Generally, unless you ““know a guy”” this is just an outrageous expense.

A horse and carriage is slower than many people realize. (Unless you have grown up using this mode of transportation, and thus are familiar with the pace.) If your wedding ceremony is indoors, the carriage rolls up and no one even sees it. (Except for the photographer, if you’ve alerted him/her.) There’s also the weather to consider, because rain will be far worse in an open carriage. And the wind can do a number on your hair. Cinderella had a hair and make-up team, and plenty of movie studio people to fix strays and snags. If your heart is set on this option, it’s fine, just know what you are committing to.  Preparedness is the key to preventing most disasters.

Elephants will almost certainly require a permit. Be sure to check the laws and ordinances of your area before planning any non-motor-vehicle transportation. Also find out if your wedding procession is allowed to run lights and stop signs to keep in line. (Very rare.)

A popular money saving-option is to ask a few friends or family to serve as drivers. The cars are decorated (don’t ruin the paint, don’t ruin the paint, don’t ruin the paint), and these loyal people are devoted to hauling your party around all day. Select those who are okay with being designated sober drivers (if you’re serving alcohol).

If you can find a unicorn to serve as transportation, you should definitely do that. ;)

If you get the Chicago PD to drive you, you might be in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. 

K is for the Bride Emergency Kit #AtoZchallenge

The more you search on this topic, the more great ideas you are going to find. Get a bag, purse, backpack, or whatever suits your need. Stuff it full of all the crazy stuff the bride might need. Label it "property of the bride," or something along those lines. Put someone in charge of the Bride Emergency Kit. (BEK)

Whoever is in charge of the bag brings it to the wedding and the reception. They will be seated moments before the "music change" when the bridal party comes in. (Someone you'll put in the front row by the parents is an ideal choice.) The person will tag along for pictures, even if they aren't in them. The person is the last to sit before the party officially enters the reception. You might have this "BEK" person leave the bag in the bathroom at that point.

What are the basics of this kit? Whatever you normally carry in your purse, plus whatever you might need on this day. Your medicine cabinet of usual remedies, make-up for touching up, tissues, extra stockings (if you're wearing them), ballet slippers for the reception, phone charger, chalk to cover any stains on the fly, scotch tape, duct tape, packing tape, a lighter, a bottle of water, your favorite snack bar/ nuts/ non-messy treat, the numbers of every business you've used for the event, a spare house key, safety pins, etc.

Play the "what would you do if" game. Watch the wedding fail videos and see how many of those terror-comedies could be avoided with some planning.

And to you guys out there, a Groom Emergency Kit can be a real lifesaver. What item could you forget that someone will give you a hard time about forgetting? Pin a list to the GEK and get your most reliable bro to make sure you have that stuff.

Tomorrow I'll talk about transportation.