Recipe time

 

I love it as is, but you could 🌶 spice it up.

Pink Ribbon

 Out of respect for her, I won't mention who I left this comment for originally. 

But I am sharing it here because there are too many people (women, men, people) who get breast cancer. 

My friend was lucky that she happened on a mammogram appointment while getting other tests. Lucky because they think they may have caught it early enough to possibly do something. But the plan for that something is not yet in place. 🤞

I wanted to reply with hope and support, but also to make her smile. She has a great smile and made me laugh so many times at work. 

My comment:

Big huge hugs. I hope they are able to help you and take care of your mental and emotional needs while dealing with the cancer. I know they said not to google info, but what about looking for a support group? To have other people who have gone through this and are best equipped to help you deal? 

I'm sorry, but I don't believe anyone who (was a/ identified as a) teenage boy is capable of fully grasping what growing boobs was like, and therefore cannot fully understand what surgery on them means mentally and emotionally for most people who have boobs they like. That's just my opinion. The first time you were grateful for them. The first time you hated them and wished they go away. The first time some strange old sales lady felt you up at the store so you could get a bra. The many times after that some sales lady felt you up in a store while saying you probably don't know your own bra size.  Trying on bras and questioning what drunk crackhead designed this and how he (definitely he) got the designs messengered from his mom's basement to a fashion place where they made it. Like, you go through a lot. And I just don't think a "mister doctor" can really understand that. Sympathetic? Sure. But I've never seen a sales dude at a sports store whip out the tape measure and grab another guy's junk, "You're probably wearing the wrong size cup, most men don't correctly measure their balls before shopping. Lift your leg, dear, let me get in there." 

(Dude, if I didn't at least make you crack a tiny smile picturing sports dudes measuring balls in a store, seriously... come on... )

Holes

 There's this hole inside of me. Pain, grief, loss, darkness, ending. 

I don't remember the last time my mom and I hung out for fun. There are years where we hung out all the time. There are shows we watched together while sharing dinner many nights of the week. There were trips together, just us. We were best friends. We kept secrets for each other. We were sisters. We were so close.

But I got sick. I got chronically ill. I had problems beyond help. And it was too much. She had health problems too. Obviously. People don't just have heart attacks out of nowhere usually. 

But when was the last time we hung out, just the two of us? 

I don't know. But I feel like it was years. 

When my leg was all messed up, she took my husband to the store. For weeks. He knows the last time they hung out. 

I know we went to Shady Maple the Valentine's before she died. That's months before. Feb to Sept. That's months apart.

I know she took me to the hospital in May the year before that. That's not fun. That's not hanging out. 

The "new" 4 episodes of Gilmore Girls sat unwatched in my Netflix for a long time. I was waiting to watch it with her. We never did. She might have seen it on hers eventually. I don't know. She was busy.

So busy.

No one from her work came to her funeral. Once they had that tablet back, they never checked in again. 

She was strong for everyone. She did everything for everyone. She was the shoulder, the punching bag, the sounding board, the one who covered, the one who fixed. Sometimes the one who broke, and caught hell for it. The family keystone can't break, can't have a flaw. She inherited that role from my grandmother. I believe my grandmother got it when my great grandfather died, a few weeks before I was born. 

My dad almost died when my mom was pregnant with me. Fell asleep driving. How hard must that have been for her? 

I don't know if it ever got easier. 

The hole is so big. It's impossible to fill. It will never go away. It's never going to be okay. 

Just like the hole for my daughter.

Just sit here and watch as everyone dies. And eventually I'll be gone too. 

Who will take care of my husband? Who will be there for him when he says he doesn't need anyone? He's so good at pushing people away. I'm scared he won't let anyone help him, even if they try to help him for me, in my memory, to allow my soul to rest. But I'm also terrified that he'll go first. I don't want to be without him. I know I could, but I do not want to exist without him. There would be no point. 

The hole is very dark. And there is more than one hole. How many holes until there's nothing else? One minute it's lace, then threads, then nothing. 

Just words. I'm okay. 

Or as okay as I can be and there's really nothing to be done. 

The reason I know I'm okay? Because I can look at the pills controlling my menstrual cycle and know that the big emotions are out of balance because of where I am in my cycle. So I know all this will calm down. Without scientific evidence, I would NOT know I'll be okay. And then I would not be.  The darkness would win if I didn't have concrete evidence for my logical side to assure me that this is chemical and everything will be more manageable in a few days. I'm dependent on that evidence.

Bout of Books 38 Recap and Winning News

Bout of Books 38- August 2023 

boutofbooks.blogspot.com


https://twitter.com/PenMinion/status/1690055986310979594 My sign-up.
https://uniquelymaladjustedbutfun.blogspot.com/2023/08/bout-of-books-birthday.html Also on my blog.
As you can see, I'm doing this with a friend.

If you follow my blog, you also know my Instagram was hijacked during BoutOfBooks. Because I needed to take time from reading to deal with a hacker? 😡

A GOOD THING HAPPENED:

Chocolate and Death #WEPFF Flash Fiction won an award. Highly controversial flash fiction.


Back to my readathon wrap up with reviews:

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This first book was J's pick.

Shattered: A Story of Betrayal and Courage by C. Lee McKenzie  ⭐⭐⭐


On the TV show Grey's Anatomy Season 9 Episode 13, there's a patient with a double hip replacement, a 13-year-old gymnast named Simmi Johnson. She does not want to do her physical therapy rehabilitation. Her dark negativity brings several of the doctors down. She was an Olympic hopeful and now she can barely walk. That patient from that episode reminded me of Libby in this book. Actually, the multitude of episodes where Arizona is obsessed with her left leg also reminded me of Libby. Except those were accidents, not sabotage. 

(I'm also reminded of the first Friday the 13th film. Even though this book isn't horror, there is a common bond.) 

There are things in the book that I do not understand. Overall, Libby seems to be very privileged. The family can afford a personal in-home therapist for rehab, a new car with handicapped driving controls, at least a three-bedroom house, a greenhouse, a remodeled handicapped-accessible bathroom, Olympic-level ski equipment and training, and regular trips to the lake. But Libby mentions how she once had to save money on haircuts? I don't understand that, especially considering the mom seems like a diva with serious beauty upkeep. 

I also could not work out the time toward the end of the book. Chapter 23 says there will be a race on Saturday and Sunday. No practice Friday before the race. Chapter 24, Libby goes to bed on Thursday night. She calls Harley in the morning, and they make plans for that day (Friday), leaving at 9am. They go to the village. Meet Dirk. Chapter 25, they go see Etta. Then they decide to stay in the area for the night at Parker's. They spend Chapter 26 going to sleep. Libby tells her dad they're staying another day. That's where I got confused because there's supposed to be a race on Saturday, so is she ditching her team? But hang on. Chapter 27, they wake up before dawn. It is, therefore, Saturday. At 4am, they get to their destination. Chapter 28, they go see Peter. Then Grady's Cafe. The sun is now topping the mountain. They drive for three hours. Shelby has ten others in line ahead of them. Libby and Harley have been awake for seven hours (so it's 11am?) They keep falling asleep. And then they get the Friday introductory rate, after a conversation verifying that it is Friday not Saturday. Except it has to be Saturday? Because they left Friday at 9am on this quest, went to sleep, and started again the next morning which has to be Saturday. Right? In the late afternoon of this magical day (Friurday), they stop for food and coffee. Then they are stuck because two smart girls did a dumb. Chapter 29, the sun dips low. There's a conversation with an elderly woman. The moon is out. It's now "nine." The race is at "six." By Chapter 30, it's after seven. They have to stop for vitals, then it's seven-thirty. Now Libby has to be there by "ten" instead of by "six." This is justified because she's missing warm-ups. At nine-thirty, they're forty-five minutes away. She's late but somehow makes it anyway. Then after the race (which is allegedly on Saturday), she makes plans with Ash for "tomorrow night at six." Chapter 32, she's getting ready to go see Ash. Okay, so the plan was for "tomorrow." The tomorrow that normally follows Saturday is called Sunday. But the tomorrow that follows "Friurday" is Saturday, apparently. I am so freaking confused! Libby tells her mom she's rowing the next day. Then there's a voicemail and Libby realizes something about the race taking place tomorrow. Meaning it's Saturday again, or Friurday. She goes to dinner at Ash's. He toasts to the win "yesterday." Meaning it's definitely Sunday. What happened to the race that was supposed to take place on Sunday? "It was such a close one today." Oh, so maybe that race took place? Okay. "Are you up for tomorrow's big race?" WHAT? So is there a third race on Monday that was never mentioned before? Friurday might be Friursunday. The chapter ends with him mentioning getting sleep before the next race. Chapter 33, she gets up and goes to the race. No other race is mentioned for the next day. So, logically, it was Sunday. But the dinner with Ash was Saturday, even though the plan was for the next night. As I said, it made no sense to me. I could not work out the timeline.

Marcus is seventeen when we first meet him. In Chapter 42, we learn that Marcus will be an adult "in a couple of years." What age is adulthood there? 

"The only way to dispel doubts is to investigate." I really loved it when Harely said that. 

I thought the character development was good. Libby definitely changes and evolves through the book, and the reader certainly gets to see it. Some of the other characters also improve. The mystery villain who orchestrated the accident made sense to me. Other than the inconsistencies in days and finances, I thought the book was okay. It was different from the usual books I enjoy. 

This is my honest review of a book I borrowed from a family member. 

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This next book was my pick.

Christian Garcia Is Fu*king Obsessed (21 Boys Later Book 2) by Dori Aleman-Medina  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book was so fun to read. It was a birthday gift sent to me by the author whom I've known online since MySpace, thanks to our shared love of books, games, and scrapbooking. This is my honest review. These characters are absolutely amazing and so very well developed. They have all kinds of problems and struggles to deal with, which keeps the plot moving quickly along. There were some really fun throwbacks to the first book. The heat is dialed up to eleven, making it romance nudging on the side of erotica. The setting came alive. There's a school for special needs children that sounds so well-funded and devoted to really helping children excel. I couldn't help but wonder how much a detective and a cake bakery owner earn a year because they seem to be doing really well. 

There are trigger warnings because things do get dark. Language, s3x, violence, adult subject matter, teens having consensual s3x in complicated relationships, and mental health issues all come up. I'd like to warn you about tacos. Because, listen, there's a gathering at the house, and there are tacos. "Leftover tacos," which I've never heard of leftover ones... but the point is that you might want to stock up on some tacos beforehand. And probably milkshakes as well. I could also mention chocolate cake, but if you've read the first book, you already know what that means. 

If you're looking for a steamy hot romance book with lots of drama and suspense, this is the book I'd recommend to you.

---

This final book was our quick pick.

Binti by Nnedi Okorafor   ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Phenomenal science fiction. I learned about real-world places and cultures while flying through space and discovering alien species that are dealing with problems that are very much like ones here on Earth. There's an episode of The West Wing (Season 2, Episode 10, Noël) that reminds me of the conflict because of what C.J. discovers about a woman in a tour group in that show. I enjoyed the resolution offered in the book. It ends with the main character evolving physically, mentally, and emotionally after having faced and succeeded against many serious challenges. There is a scene of violence in this book that may trigger some readers. This is my honest review.

#shelfie #boutofbooks 38
What I read during the readathon #books #BookTwitter #BookRecommendations #DiverseReads #DiverseBooks pic.twitter.com/VHSWqSSjb2

— JamieWriter (@PenMinion) August 28, 2023

What have you read and reviewed lately?

Instagram Down

 My precious Instagram account has been attacked. I got a message from a friend saying she was starting a fashion line.

Except it was actually a hacker.

By the time I was suspicious, my account was gone. I was logged out.

Maybe I'll get it back next week. Maybe not.

This SUCKS.

It happens that fast.

6:02 pm

7:11 pm

An hour to destroy years of memories and self expression. 

And for what? There was nothing valuable linked to my Instagram account.

Why I Write to Elected Officials

Yup. Every time I write my elected officials, someone points out that I've wasted my time because they're not interested in what anyone who isn't contributing thousands of dollars to campaigns has to say. 

And yeah, that's maybe true. 

But it isn't about them. It's about me. I've done something. I asked myself what I could do, what I am reasonably and honestly capable of doing. And then I did that. 

Maybe it won't make a difference. It probably won't. BUT I TRIED. 

I can live with myself knowing at least I tried. 

Just like voting. Maybe my one little vote is less than a 💧 drop of water in the ocean. But that's still better than not at least trying. 

No, I don't think I made a difference. I think I tried something. And if didnt work, at least I can say I tried. I made an attempt. 

Not everyone who sets out to climb Everest makes it successfully to the top and back. But everyone who ever has done this achievement TRIED.

Facebook.com

The Typo Debate

https://www.facebook.com/groups/girlfriendbookclub/permalink/1966150417103202/

Carolynn Clark:

"I am reading The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles which is a great book BUT how annoying when I find errors that were missed in editing…… what do you all think of this sentence? I can’t believe the word PORPOISE was used instead of the word PURPOSE. Am I missing something? is this a legitimate word to use in the following sentence? “What Woolly did not tell Billy was that sometimes-like when he first arrived at St Paul’s-he would wind the watch sixteen times for six days in a row on porpoise so that he could be half an hour ahead of everybody else.”"

My reply:


Viking Publishing is owned by Penguin, a big 5 publisher.

So yeah, I am surprised there would be an error.

One of the "arguments" certain readers use for reading Big 5 publications instead of Indie books is that the Big 5 can afford editors to check everything with a fine tooth comb.

But really, Indie authors tend to be the ones checking and rechecking and using editors.

*Not all, in either case. Just more often than not.



It's funny how they'll tell authors that one typo can get you rejected. Then say that it's okay to have a typo because that's what an editor is for! And then books come out with a typo and the audience absolutely crucifies the author (not the publisher, not the editors) in reviews, memes, etc. Then a few people will debate, on behalf of the author, as to if spelling and grammar are tools of racism and if language exists to foster oppression. (Which is an intriguing debate, especially since outlawing literacy is and always has been specifically implemented to oppress and control people.) A debate possibly created by the PR firm for the Big 5 publishers, proving that no press is bad press.

🤔

And that right there is the real rub. Because then you have to ask yourself if the typo was put there on purpose to force a debate?

Because there's a comic from 20 some years ago that is still true today, that states if you want to get the attention of everyone on the Internet, misspell a word.

🤔🤷‍♀️🤔🤷‍♀️🤔🤷‍♀️🤔🤷‍♀️🤔🤷‍♀️🤔🤷‍♀️

That sounds nutty, right?

It couldn't be true.

There's no way such a ploy could ever work!

Readers cannot be manipulated that easily.

🤔😶

Oh.
Ummm...
Huh
😒
How many comments and reactions does this post have?

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What are your thoughts?