Drinking
[The following is for entertainment purposes only. It is illegal to consume alcohol while under 21 years of age in the United States.
This is not a confession or accusation.
Resemblance to life is coincidence.]
Legal disclaimer? Check.
Okay, so, I went to wedding with my family when I was 6. The reception afterwards was in a firehouse (very common in Pennsylvania). It was freaking hot.
At the tables, every place setting had a little plastic cup. (A shot glass, but I knew nothing of that.) I took a sip of the yellowish liquid. 😬🤢
NOT white grape juice.
Tasted how I imagined Bleach would taste.
(It was sparkling white wine. For the toast. 🥂 )
I had to go to the bartender to get something else. Why my parents, grandparents, or Aunt didn't handle this, I don't recall. I guess people were supposed to stay at their table? I don't know. So I go to the bartender to ask if I can get something to drink. Ice tea, preferably.
They don't have that.
I couldn't drink soda.
Eventually, after crying, I managed to score a cup of pineapple juice.
I was seriously thirsty. I managed one more cup. They wouldn't serve me anymore because they needed it to mix for actual drinks.
The dance floor was a disaster. It was overwaxed. People kept falling. My grandmother accidentally stepped on the corner of the dance floor, and 🐧 she went down, slid like a penguin across the room.
We left soon after. Hang On Snoopy was playing and my cousins were in a pile. Again, not from drinking, just because the floor was slippery. It was a shotty reception. And my first sip of alcohol.
When I was 11, my mom took me with her to a BABY shower for a woman she worked with. A pregnant 🤰 woman.
There was a bowl of punch to drink. No alternatives were set out. That's fine, I like fruit punch. After my fifth or sixth cup, the hostess pulled my mom aside.
"Are you sure she should drink that?"
"It's fruit punch. She can't have soda. And nothing else is set out, so yeah."
"Umm... there's a bottle of vodka in that."
It was a baby shower.
No other beverages were offered.
The very, very pregnant woman and I had been downing alcohol for three hours.
And that's how I had my first hangover in sixth grade.
In high school, we sold "Spirit cards." It was a fundraising thing. A bunch of businesses offered discounts and freebies to anyone with a spirit card.
Applebee's offered a free frozen beverage, such as milkshakes or margaritas.
My friends and I took our cards to Applebee's. We ordered strawberry daiquiris. They can be made without alcohol. Ours were not. We got free drinks every time. Let me tell you... we were at Applebee's every damn week.
And yes, I told my mom. She knew. And she also knew that we weren't getting drunk off of one. Hell, she saw me down a bottle of vodka at age 11 without getting all messed up.
I could tell you about college. I lived in an apartment my freshman year. One time, my roommate and I went away for the weekend. Came home, opened the door, 😵💫 the FUMES alone were enough to get a person drunk. We decide to open the windows and clean for a bit.
But I'm gonna skip ahead. 2020, legal drinking! (I was 40.)
My husband, bff, and her then husband, went to Atlantic City. It was the last weekend before "lockdown." No one was there. It was awesome.
A place had recently opened on the boardwalk. They served slushies.
They served alcoholic slushies. 😋🤤
So good! And we were staying at a hotel, no driving, so... bottoms up!
Two years later, this treat appeared at our local beer distributor, Shangys.
Look, I don't actually drink much alcohol anymore. I've had probably 2 of those a year since. I really like them. I just don't spend money on drinking.
Not like when I was younger.
