Thursday, December 22, 2016

Angry Rant About Banking

No one asked me if I wanted the bank I use to be bought.
~No, by the way, I did not.

No one asked if I wanted a new bank account number and new routing number.
~No. If I was willing to deal with that hassle, I'd have SWITCHED BANKS!

My husband has direct deposit. HAD...
It was necessary to update our bank account information to continue to use that. But his work system isn't updating.
So he's getting printed checks.
Post dated checks.
That I can't deposit until Friday, and can't clear until Saturday.

Christmas Eve.

I can't.
I just can't deal with this pressure. With needing to get the shopping done before Saturday, but not having the money until Saturday.



Thursday, December 1, 2016

Another Political Post

I'm including a screenshot of a post written by my friend.

He's 100% right. His point is valid.

He has a full time job. He is an average American citizen.

And this is why we NEED to fear bio terrorism. This is why it would be so effective.

Yeah, we've got some great doctors here. Maybe some of the best hospitals. Probably a bunch of ground breaking awesome. And the CDC is kickass awesome.

And that's great.

But PLEASE see the problem.

I had a friend in Canada. She didn't feel well at 3am. She got free transportation to an emergency room, was seen and treated, and came back home within 3 hours already on the mend. This cost her ZERO dollars. She did not need to wait for the bank to open to apply for a loan for $300, and subsequently be turned down, and then go try to buy some over the counter stuff that doesn't work, infecting others along the way.

If you watch The Walking Dead and wonder how anything could spread so fast, here you go.

This is the thinking not just of my one friend, but of everyone I know who isn't 100% covered by some government provided insurance or isn't sitting on a bank account around the billionaire mark.

And the promise of the incumbent, Donald Trump,  is that we'll have less access to health insurance and it'll cost more.

Our military is so powerful that we could take on everyone and not even blink. Our military technology is so up to date that we sell our old crap to anyone because we don't have space to store last year's junk.

But sneeze and it's good bye 'merica.

And that's why I think it's so important that EVERY LIVING HUMAN in this country have access to fully funded health care. So if anyone in our borders feels a sniffle coming on, they go deal with it.

That's how you fight bio terrorism. That's it.

We could build 10 nuclear weapons for dropping on each and every country out there. Not only would that kill us all (MAD), but it still wouldn't fix a bio terrorist attack.

I'm not a politician or military strategist. So if I can figure this out, you can be certain that our enemies have too.

And given our ethics of NOT staying home when ill, it's guaranteed that it'll spread. No one can afford quarantine,  especially if they might need meds. We'd need Marshall Law to keep the sick home. And the ones trying to enforce it would get it. There's only so many bio suits. Containment breaches would happen.

This isn't a plot bunny. It's not the basis of a book, movie, or tv show. (Though they exist.) This is reality. This is what happens when everyone doesn't have equal access to health care. It happens when the sub-par care is all you can afford, so you avoid that because you have a job and shouldn't have to take from those worse off, plus the wait is ridiculous.

The whole system is broken. Top to bottom. It's not fair to patients or doctors or other care givers.

I don't care if it's fair to health insurance companies, because a computer should not decide what care is best and what medicine a person is entitled to take. The computer didn't go to med school. The computer hasn't met the person. The computer is NOT QUALIFIED to make the choices. Skynet bad, remember?

Hopefully the politicians,  who have access to great medical care and therefore aren't directly affected by this,  will fear the janitor getting sick from an attack. Or the wait staff. Someone they pay little attention to but who might spread it because they don't see a doctor. That fear might, maybe, get health care access improved. Hopefully before I turn out being right.

I'd rather not have an "I told you so," about this.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Spewing from my mental errection

Because we've established that mind erections are a thing now. (It's like a regular penis erection, but for the brain, and available to all genders. Frequently caused by fandoming or finally figuring out the thing you've been trying to figure out for like, ever.)

Imagine a world where a certain very powerful group of leaders (the kind that make the rules and stuff, the sort that dictate society), are mostly males who claim to be straight. Now, to best defend or prove that claim, they show massive intolerance to everyone else. Not just to the homosexual community, but to straight women as well. (Which doesn't make sense, until you consider that maybe it's only a claim, and then it's obvious why they'd want to be unappealing to the very people they claim to want to attract.) In fact, some of them dislike women so much that they create a world where all the women fear being sexually assaulted. To the point that it's assumed it'll happen in some form to you,  that it's just a given. Now suppose they outlaw homosexuality-- no marriages, unions, or any recognition of those relationships. So there are now, in this scenario world, a bunch of very horney dudes who are turned on by other dudes. Okay,  so, one day an issue comes up about restrooms. Some people are identified as having a different gender than the one they were born with. Or maybe they have more than one gender. The details don't matter so much as the response. The straight men in charge declare only men in the mens restrooms, and only women in the womens. They even go so far as to claim that the gay males would sexually assault the women if allowed to poop in the same area.

Is it possible,  in this scenario, that the powerful straight men might be the ones sexually assaulted in the mens bathrooms?  Leading to 3 possible conclusions.
1- They want to fear that, like the women do.
2- They aren't actually straight, but fear admitting it, so they've created a scenario where in they can get what they want while simultaneously claiming not to want it.
3- They just aren't smart enough to think of either of these options. Being male, straight,  or in charge does not mean intelligent or wise.  It should, but this isn't that kind of world.

I'm just tossing it out there. Obviously this is the basis for a fictional world. I mean, come on, it's a real stretch of the imagination!

Saturday, November 26, 2016


As I'm only at this location for another like 20 minutes (less when this posts).
And we're leaving here now so yup!

Ode to the LvPA NaNoWriMo Moth

Oh great and mighty moth! I need words. I must make words that are wordy words. Like dictionary words. Not just Shakespeare making up words kind of words. I need thinking good with the words that sound smart and logical and in order that kind of resembles a sentence. And maybe a few of those can be a paragraph.

I might be asking a lot of a moth. More so because it'd be a death moth in the women's bathroom of Wegman's off 512 in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Not to be confused with Bethlehem from the Bible. Though there is a star here. But it's not really a star. It's just a big lit up statue kind of thing that sort of looks like a star. But it's supposed to resemble the star that the three wise men followed to the barn behind the inn. If you believe that. Which not everyone does. So I don't know if religion plays into a tourist attraction or not. I mean, is the Taj Mahaul (which is not spelled like that,  but I'm tired and have been up since 19 hours ago and haiiii... Mahal, Laurence looked it up. So I'm only off by one letter.) is that religious?  I'm not sure. But I'd go see it.

So anyway. The moth isn't dead. Or alive. It's just there on the floor. A chip in the tile.

And Nicki is on her way so I'm gonna go nap now.


Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Twas the night before Thanksgiving

Twas the night before Thanksgiving, when all through the Panera
Many laptops were stirring, not one with an error!

Cute beads were hung round our necks with care,
In hops that fifty k words soon would be there.

The characters nestled all snug in their plot,
Our laptops drank power, so many watts. 

"How do you spell ‘kerchief" and "unlock your caps," 

These writers were in need of a long winter's nap.

When out by the drink foundation there arose such a clatter,

Writers sprang from their stories to see what was the matter.

Away from their Windows they flew like a flash,

Some from their Macs, some in mid dash.

The pearly white beads matched the new-fallen snow

Which had already melted, it not being 32° below.

What to these writers wondering eyes should appear,

But a big city Agent to crush publishing fear.

With a yell about "spoilers" and keys pounded quick,

We knew in a moment which stories he'd pick.

No football Eagles or sports stories came,

But the agent loved these writers, and remembered each name!

Now Angela! Now, Mike! Now, Laurence and Nicki!

On, Heather! On, Erin! On, Ezra and Katie!

To the top of Olivia's story! To Brian not hitting a wall!

Now dash away, Roxi! Dash the words all!"

As dry scenes that before the wild editor fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, the bad words will die!

The agent exclaimed, ‘ere he drove out of sight,"Happy NaNoWriMo to all, and to all a Good-Night!"

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Starbucks Love

One of my free "refill" beverages that came after my free beverage from my star bonus, which just quadrupled with a purchase made earlier. Meaning that I'll have more free drinks. And because I used Shopkick to get my free gift card...

Yeah. I've had about $100 worth of Starbucks this month and haven't spent a dime.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Religion and Politics in this post

Check out @SarahHuckabee's Tweet:

Trump won more evangelical CHRISTIAN votes than any other presidential candidate in history?

I keep thinking about all those movies, books, and shows where the Christian president might get a divorce. And it's the biggest scandal (pun intended, if you know the show) possible. Concerns the guy would be tossed out of office, the economy would crash, doom and gloom. "I know about Ellie." "You know about E.L.E.?" (Extinction Level Event -- Deep Impact)

Well, guess we stopped caring about divorce. Or about having children with multiple partners. If it's okay for the gander, it damn well better be okay for the goose now. "Yes, I have three baby daddys/mamas, just like the President of the United States." It is vital to understand that the CONSERVATIVE party and the Evangelical CHRISTIAN voters are in FULL SUPPORT of that. Good job, Maury Povich. All those "whose your daddy" episodes really brought them around!

Seriously, I never knew the church was so totally cool with divorce and with children from multiple partners. But here we are, in a world where they are SO COOL with it that they actually voted for a president who lives THOSE values.

The old days of Republicans talking about family values and sticking it out, how they were only okay with divorce in extreme cases, and children from other partners being only slightly better than bastards... those days are over!

See, not a whole lot of bright side for Democrats these days. But at least we see how dramatically the Conservative party has changed their core values, and how much more open minded the church must be now. The heck with updating a political document to reflect modern needs-- the Republicans have changed what the BIBLE is okay with now. Wow. That's impressive. And even the extremists Christians, known as the KKK, are supporters of this guy.

So we're all agreed.
Republican and Democrat alike: divorce is now perfectly acceptable and holds no shame or public guilt and judgement whatsoever, and having babies from multiple partners is also perfectly acceptable and holds no shame or public guilt and judgment whatsoever. ""Those people"" are JUST LIKE the president incumbent.

"You have three baby daddys?"
"Yup. :) Just like the president!"
"Wow! That's soooo cool. I'm totes jealous."

Just remember, that's now politically correct for both parties. We applaud that now.

(See, I've known a few judgemental Republican Christians who thought they weren't okay with such choices. It's important they realize that now they ARE okay with them, since they voted those values and choices into the highest office. I expect to see them out there showing support! SUPPORT.)

Monday, October 17, 2016

Plan T for Pro Compromise

I'm dissatisfied with the current pregnancy options available post-conception. There's pro-life, where a fetus is carried as long as it can be. And there's pro-choice, where a  fetus never becomes a baby. And... That's it?!?

It's 2016! Come on now. We're smarter than this. We're better than this. It's time to prove that, since both genders were made in the image of their creator (as many believe), both genders should get to carry life. It's time for men to get some equality.

Fetal transplant. That's what we need to throw some real weight behind!

The rules:
1- As a new option for pregnant women,  it should carry an equivalence to abortion. The same or less risks,  time, and definitivy. Once it's out of you, it won't go back in. Giving women the choice not to end the fetus, but also not to have changes to the body or their life.

2- If the conception was consensual, the father gets first dibs. Dad gets to be the first to decide if he'll carry his child. Men will finally have choice at this stage!

( * Rapist, child molesters, and forced incestuous impregnaters will not be rewarded with babies or the chance to carry a fetus.)

3- If not, a suitable parent must be found in time, or the fetus will not grow and thus will end. The number of pro life supporters will ensure that'll never happen. (Honestly, how do we even have unadopted children anywhere in the world with that many people trying so hard to get a kid?)

Once the male-majority members of Congress and the Senate have carried a few children (there are so many Republican men who have been eager for the chance for decades now,  I'm sure they'll run right out and get on that #3 list!), then they'll be better equipped to vote on issues like funding clinics and adequate time off after birthing.

In the meantime... Now men of breeding age who aren't careful enough will never know when the opportunity for carrying a baby might come to call! So they're going to need yearly tests to be sure their body is healthy and ready, and free from STD/STI. So we'll give Planned Parenthood (and similar clinics) exclusive rights to perform that exam. It'll be paid for on a sliding scale-- men will pay based on their salary and worth (as the rich can hide funds by being broke while their company provides everything, so proper worth assessment will be done). Minors and full-time attendance-proved college students will have free access. Not having the exam but engaging in sexual activity with any other individual will result in a heavy fine, a minimum 90 days in jail (30 for minors, but it won't be expunged or sealed at 18, and the irresponsible parents still get a fine), and community service of 100 hours. This exam will fund Planned Parenthood. In ten years a vote will be set to either continue this method or to have government funding of the same adjusted amount given. This gives those who vote for such a bill ten chances to see what all such a place does, and will therefore make for more informed decisions. And, at long last, the outcome of the choice will actually effect the people who get to make the decision!

Also,  those who funded the pro life and pro choice for all these years will have the same percentage of donation garnished for the next ten years and put toward DNA verification of fathers of a fetus. A vote will be put forth after that to determine future funding, though forcing the mother will never be an option (as it makes abortion look better than Plan T, and that must be avoided).

As teen girls are given the right to decide for their own body, so will teen boys. Parents will not get to weigh in on the choice their son makes. (The opportunity was before they created a fetus.) If this means that boys need to be raised like girls, taught that sex can lead to a baby and therefore shouldn't be rewarded with high-fives for conquests, well, so be it. That's a sacrifice the world is just going to have to live with. Equality has a price. Men getting to have a choice has a price. And yes, that means some male high school quarterbacks are going to be out for the season because they're with child. Maybe more than one. Maybe they'll have to carry two or three fetuses from different girls at the same time.

Wow. Science has a LOT to do given that possibility! Guys who are 8 and 10 weeks along... That's going to be interesting.

Plan T. Think about it.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Pledge cleaner and a book to a flag

I saw this interesting pin.

Is it creepy? Well, here's what's getting the hamster of my mind on the wheel...

It was Sixth grade before the majority of words in the pledge were vocabulary words. So, from K to 5, we said it every day without even knowing what we were saying. Just like kids will sing along to music about drive-bys without any context.

Pledge= a household cleaner

Allegiance= today, maybe a book/movie

Republic= (someone do a random poll of age 5 to 80 and see how many people can accurately define that word-- define, not use)

Indivisible= (then see how many children think America is invisible)

Liberty= cool monument

Justice= we've got courts

Not vocabulary, but clarification comes to play:

Under God= a diety said to be up in Heaven,  meaning we're not a nation floating in the clouds, in case you've seen Star Wars and were confused

So basically, you'll say it for six years before you'll find out what it means. And even then, several of the words are difficult concepts for your average suburban American child. Still, you make this pledge. It isn't a choice. If adults had to say, yes, then it's a choice. Children are not allowed to leave the country, or to not go to school, or to not say the pledge (maybe in home schooling, maybe). And so,  as with any pledge that you're saying because it makes your life easier,  it means nothing to you. They're just words.

Adults who haven't said the pledge in years will argue about the wording. If your family is Jehovoah Witnesses or something,  you just stand but don't say it.

There may be some government jobs which require reciting the pledge. Otherwise, whatever the original function was, it's gone. No six year old is beaming with national pride. They can recite it on a dime,  but they've got no idea what it means.

It's okay. We all grow up someday. And then check the box pledging that we read and understood the terms of service. Like any good pledge, you may as well agree,  because it's not like saying no is gonna make life easier.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Twisted Logic for Laws and the Power of a Triangle

Try to follow the "logic" here.

Putting a triangle on a door sign (instead of a rectangle) has the power to STOP sexual assault. Meaning a male with a fully functional penis sees a triangle and,  just by seeing that symbol, will decide NOT to enter an area and assault the women inside. This MUST be true, as the argument is that removing the triangle would dramatically increase sexual assault by penis-bearers on vagina-havers.

Okay, so that's the power of a triangle.

So what if we assigned an octagon or something to represent children? And then require, within one year of time, for every object capable of propelling a bullet at deadly speed/force ("guns") to have a sticker on them with a crossed out octagon. If you are caught with one and it doesn't have the sticker-- life in prison. Because the sticker will prevent people from shooting children.

Now I know you might be thinking,  "but sometimes children shoot children!" Yes, but those same children (who tend to be teens) sometimes also sexually assault each other. BUT NOT IN ROOMS WITH TRIANGLES ON THE DOOR! If those same triangle symbols are preventing teen boys from entering not just restrooms but also locker rooms-- then the power of a symbol will also make them not use guns on fellow children.

In exchange for no more gun control discussions for, I don't know, 4 years time-- think the NRA would print out those stickers for free? Probably. No need for non-gun owners to pay for this. And we wouldn't want, "I couldn't afford the sticker," as a reason. So there you go.

Is it oversimplified? Is this ridiculous?

If a triangle can stop a crime, so can an octagon.

(Sorry STOP signs. I know people sometimes run you. We're pretending that's not true because it really doesn't help the argument.)

I just felt the need to make an argument on the same level as one I read.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Her Husband Already Did It

Today I encountered the most foolish,  horrible, sexist argument against Hillary Clinton.

"She shouldn't get to be president BECAUSE HER HUSBAND ALREADY HAD THE JOB."

Take a look at the link. See how many presidents have been related?
Except FDR, it's a list of REPUBLICANS.

If it can be fathers and then sons, or even cousins,  then spouses deserve equal opportunities. And for a woman to say it isn't fair, for anyone to say it, in fact...

Come up with a valid argument.

That... a wife can't hold a job because her husband once held it...

No. Your argument is invalid.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Leo and Confrontation

I thought you'd like this Pin on Pinterest...

This actually describes me very well. It's also something my ex never understood about me. There is a reason that I lower my vouce and get hyper-rational as a go to response. The alternative is... Well, the fact that I'm here proves I've never lost when going to the alternative.


Monday, September 26, 2016

#tackletbr childhood book challenge

So I have to figure out how to get this into 1 picture on Instagram. PicShop layers I guess.....

I had to use Goodreads because all of these books are at my parents house or my grandfather's house. I assume. I hope they didn't get lost, sold, or injured! :'(

Now I'm worried.

#TackleTBR Wrap up post and Life Health Update

Thanks to the time set aside for this challenge,  I've read 2 books by one of my top five favorite authors of all time,  and 2 books that were birthday gifts,  and by the end of today will have finished a "here, read this" book from my boss/friend/cousin-in-law.

2+ 2+ 1= 5 books

There was one other I had hoped to get through, but my health took me down during the challenge. (Thanks to the ♡'s who got me emergency medical care at 10pm and "force fed" me things I could eat when the meds and sickness made food icky.)

I know I didn't do Goodreads updates. Whoops. You'd think having the app on my phone would make it a given, but nooooo... lol.  My phone is being hindrance heavy. I'm 5 models behind!  Blargh.

But I manged to stay awake for 16 hours today! First time in 9 days for that. AND I left the house for the first time in 9 days. The sun! The sky! Air! Birds! Yup, all still out there. And and and-- I had real food today! Not just bland food.
Baked potato (okay, that could be bland food diet, but it was yummy)
Chicken Salad hoagie
Rice pudding (okay, again, technically could fit the bland food diet)
Applesauce (yeah yeah, I know)

Actually, that's all I ate. BUT, none of it shot back out of my mouth (yet, knock on wood) so VICTORY!

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Less Appetite than a Twilight Vampire

So, having been sick, I have no appetite. This is partly due to meds, and partly due to the strict bland diet I've been put on (twice in one week).

I look at food with all the enthusiasm of eating dirt and then throwing up mud. That was basically Edward's point in the book-- that he could eat people food, it just wasn't yummy anymore.

Applesauce, fruit cup, toast,  Wheaties, mashed potatoes, jell-o, yogurt, noodle soup, broth, a scrambled egg... This is basically all I've eaten since Friday. And I feel like having more of that like I feel like getting mauled by a werewolf. 


I have to eat something. I took my meds. I must eat or suffer the painful consequences.

I'm off to shove something down my gullet. Then more reading!

#tackletbr book review

Here is a review by Jamie:

#TackleTBR #Bookflag

I made a bookflag of blues and yellow for the city flag of Philadelphia. Hope you like it!

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

#tackletbr name game

I can't find my copy of Jurassic Park. The Jack book will have to do.



I managed to read more of my half dragon book last night. I've been terribly ill the last few days and thus have fallen behind because the meds make me sleep for like 20 hours. :/

Sunday, September 18, 2016

#OperationAwesomeOwls #TackleTBR

#OperationAwesomeOwls #TackleTBR

Hedwig from Harry Potter is on the back cover of the book next to the giant inflatable owl.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Once Upon a Today

Once upon a today...
I drove John to work.
Then went to Pretzel Factory for 20 for $5 pretzels.
Then went to ★$ (that's Starbucks for those who don't speak text), and had a scrumptious Salted Caramel Mocha Frappicino.
Stopped at the atm for some monies$ss.

Went to Katie's and chilled with her,  Eric, and ♡the kitties♡. Temporarily fixed my purse. Played DrawSomething.

Picked up Nicki. Went to E I E I O or whatever that I'm not dumb enough to say here with Pat F.

Then we went to Wegman's to aquire Spanish foods for her kid who needs them for school TOMORROW. 

And then we ran away to endless shrimp at Red Lobster.

But, of course, my phone died, so no texts or sexts from John. (The only downside of today. Though effort was made to charge,  and attempt to text via Nicki's phone was made. But, alas... )

And "Our Song" ( ) by Matchbox 20 came on. And I giggled and said,  "Hey, this can be our song!" Nicki will laugh more about this later when she reads the lyrics "this can be our song, this can be our song."

And then my favorite song of all time,  "Amazing" by Aerosmith,  came on the radio on the way home. Followed by "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls-- which is one of my fav bands.

I have leftover Red Lobster in my fridge. ♡

It was a pretty spectacular day. :)

#tackletbr two hues

The two hues I chose are red and yellow (which makes orange, so that's kinda in there).

I was editing duty and taking a class last night, so I didn't have any reading progress. And Tuesday was writing group. Hopefully Thursday night will let me steal an hour.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Monday, September 12, 2016

#TackleTBR goals

There are some freaking sweet books I received for my birthday last month. My goal is to read the preciousessss. ;)

And if I manage that,  then perhaps dive into books I got for Christmas last year. Ha ha, whoops.

Saturday, August 6, 2016


When someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you because you asked, when they spend dozens of hours on something which benefits you completely and not them at all,  and when that person has successfully done this chore dozens of times in the past, don't insult them by implying they are useless and incompetent 12 hours before the event.

Forget wedding etiquette,  how about just trying to be a decent person? How about just giving a damn about the feelings of someone else.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Spelling and Grammar Police @BN_CARE

Just saying.
It is a book store.

Logic - it is not for everyone

Here's what bugs me.


Dave's Pie.

H considers buying from Dave's Pie. B is in crazy lust with Dave's Pie, maybe it's doing Dave, no one knows. K has had bad experience with Dave's Pie.

K outlines the reasons not to go to Dave's Pie. The multiple food poisoning and listeria concerns. The warnings on several website about contamination. The records of the times the health department has shut them down or fined them. And K provides a list of other pie places,  which are lower in cost and have reputations for being stupendous.

H agrees that Dave's Pie is a bad idea. H Thanks K for the save. Bullet dodged!

But B still wants Dave's Pie, and wants others to be presented with a scenario where it's rude not to have some. "Raise your fork in honor of this," scenario so anyone not having a pie from Dave looks like a mean idiot who hates America, God,  Family,  and everything else that offends people when someone gets all dishonorable. Make a big deal. Act like not wanting food poisoning is somehow a bad thing.

"H, how about Dave's?"
"You know what we should do,  H? Dave's Pie."
"Omg why haven't we just gone to Dave's Pie?"
"It would be so much simpler to go out of the way to order from Dave's pie that doesn't have the flavor you want and can't get the pie in time but they are so worth it!"

Somehow B talks H into it by just bugging her until logic goes out the window. Like handing matches to a toddler because they won't stop screaming so the heck with it, let them set themselves on fire!

Wait... ummm...

Well, like my post title says: Logic- it is not for everyone.

I'm not re- presenting the argument against ""Dave's Pie."" Nor do I feel it is my duty to out-tantrum B.

As Cartman puts it,  "Screw you guys,  I'm going home."

K for Kitty out.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Where there's smoke

Left to go get John around 2:40 am. Smelled like smoke outside. Like a campfire or a fireplace. But who the heck is making s'mores at 3am or heating the house when it's 80° out?

John and I got back here about 3:15 am. He smelled it. So I called 911. After reporting it,  I came in to pee quick. Went back out,  saw the firetruck going to the complex behind mine. Then turn around and drive slowly away.

And now there's a breeze. So I don't smell the smoke out there now.

Can't help but wonder whatever happened.

Saturday, July 23, 2016


There is a book that was just released:
Tokens and Omens by Jeri Baird

Well, I'm part of the street team. (Thanks,  J, for the heads up!)

So if you feel like being one of the awesome people who finds a painted stone,  you're in luck! I'm dropping some visual clues to half of my hidden treasures. Feel free to share.


Bright pink is the new black mold

I don't know what's causing this. But probably nothing good.

Friday, July 22, 2016

The value of one

They've got to be kidding me with this note.
You know why I had to go to a second? Because the first didn't have the drugs in stock, of course.

BUT hey, THANKS to the chick at CVS who made me feel like such a valuable customer when she whined about having to call the other stores, and tried to get the pharmacist to do it. He was trying to fill prescriptions and run the drive thru.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE A CALL. I'm the one who has to drive all over town because your company couldn't fill a prescription that was due for a refill and was given adequate notice.

Not okay.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Disgusting Positive Spin

This is me trying to put a positive spin on it:

Today's accomplishment: I made it all the way back home and into my bathroom BEFORE I regurgitated,  AND I managed to Heimlich myself when it got caught. Therefore,  I am now more awesome than at least 2 rock stars who died in bathrooms from choking to death on their own vomit.

Waking up 2 to 4 hours early AND almost immediately jumping into the heat: day 1.

Ice pack and I are gonna go lay down now.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

My @mmschocolate #fail

Anyone else trying for the free movie tickets?
I bought 3 bags of 11.40 oz bags of M&Ms. The flavors were peanut and peanut butter. All three bags had the promotion featured on them.

Any idea what to do?

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Rant - warning adult language

If someone says, "'Bob'(not real name) helped us navigate some paperwork," and you are Bob and think that makes you look bad...

You know, maybe realize that when it takes 4 years to do something that normally takes 3 months, maybe THAT'S what makes people look bad.

#SorryNotSorry that I pointed it out. But the ONLY people suffering here are me and my husband. You feel upset? I'M IN HELL. My health, my safety, my finances- all compromised.

Don't want to look bad? AND actually have the power,  money, time, and influence to make a difference? Then fucking go do SOMETHING. If our places were switched,  this shit would have been HANDLED.

I looked up to "Bob." TRUSTED "Bob." And believed that "Bob" would
I don't know
I don't even know anymore.
I'm so let down that I don't even have a description.
No, I've been FAILED. And made to feel like the failure is my fault. It is. I'm the one who believed in people, who tried to help others before myself. No good deed unpunished.

How much longer will I let it go on?
I can't.
In 10 days, things will change. One way or the other. Probably for the worse. But THIS is not going to go on. It can't.

Choices are going bye bye.

#SorryNotSorry if 4+ years of your work is down the drain. Maybe if you didn't take 4 fucking years to do it.
Faster to go to college.
A new President will be elected in the time this took. Look at what Obama did with 4 years. Look what you did with the same amount of time. Couldn't complete 1 task.
Upset because I made you look bad?

How about you buy the problem out from under me and in another 4 years we can talk about your feelings? How about THAT? You can be the one dealing with this. Sitting and waiting and hoping. Because I can't anymore.



Monday, July 11, 2016

Good But Cruel

I had a dream that my current #1 priority actually came through. That thing I've waited over 4 years to happen finally happened.

But I woke up. It was only a dream. A bit cruel to wake up and realize it had only been a dream.

Good,  but cruel.

Anyway. Today is my best friend's birthday. I'm here, she's there, I wish we were together. Soon,  hopefully.

I have a meeting tomorrow with Didi at Wegman's to nail down specifics of the wedding shower we're throwing for my cousin.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

I love DrawSomething

Can you outguess me? Join me on 'Draw Something' to find out - #drawsomething

Monday, June 20, 2016

Bad dream

Bad dream.
It was a snow day. Or two-hour delay. So I was still high school age. But I was dating my neighbor (who yes,  I did grow up with, but no, we never dated and we barely spoke past 5th grade, and by high school we ran in very different circles... He is probably pro-Trump.). He came over with his mom for some reason. (Okay, his parents are really nice and were even at my wedding.) I had some big essay due, so she was looking over it. Then his dad came and was also looking over it. Neither of them does anything editing related. In fact, in reality, I'd have been the one looking over stuff for them. But in the dream, they found all these mistakes. Stupid, obviously ones. I spelled a caption wrong and the word was on a sign above it. I had th instead of the. At first, I was going to fix it with some white out. But more and more mistakes,  and it was clear I'd need to fix and reprint. But I had to go somewhere to do that, and it was snowing. I was still going to go.

That's when my Aunts and Uncles start showing up. Couldn't get to work and the airport and whatever, so they came here. Some with my cousins. And then dogs. A nice dog I knew. Then two more larger ones I didn't. Then some pony-dog which scared me stiff. And I said, "I'm terrified and can't move. Someone please help me." I was standing inches from the fridge. It was super reflective, like a mirror fridge instead of white, chrome, or whatever. I'm staring at myself, seeing myself unable to move. The people are all just going about their business,  laughing and chatting, ignoring me.

The door opens. Two more dogs. I can see them in the fridge-mirror. One is a great dane, the dog that kind of bit me as a toddler when he was pulling me away from danger (but I was 2 and, yeah...). The other was, I don't know, a Hell Hound from Supernatural? Pure darkness that snuffed out surrounding light making it look like it was in a cloud of darkness. Red glowing eyes. Fangs. It pushed the great dane forward until it bit me. Teeth sunk into my right ass cheek and bottom two vertebrae. I can still feel it. I woke up feeling it. I wasn't laying wired or anything. There's nothing there. Nothing but fear.
Okay. So. What the hell does this mean?


Seeing a dog in your dream, indicate a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated. If the dog is vicious and/or growling, then it means some inner conflict within yourself. It may indicate betrayal and untrustworthiness. Dreaming that a dog bites you on the leg, suggests that you have lost your ability to balance aspects of your life. You may be hesitant in approaching a new situation or have no desire to move forward with your goals. If the dog is barking ferociously, then it represents your habit of making demands on people and controlling situations around you. It could also mean unfriendly companions.

Dreaming of bites, forewarns of danger from someone who has wished you harm, either physical or monetary. Be careful of people who surround you. Dreaming that you are being bitten, represents your vulnerability regarding your unresolved issues emotions. You may be pestered by a problem or obstacle.

Dreaming of having a good neighbor means enjoyment and tranquility at home. Dreaming of having an angry neighbor means quarrels, dissensions and possibly relocation from your home.

Dreaming that you make a mistake indicates that you are doubting yourself in the choices and decisions you have made.

Seeing an uncle in your dream, represents some aspect of your family heritage and traits. It may also symbolize new ideas and emerging awareness.

Seeing snow in your dream means your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected.

Dreaming that you are or feel helpless, suggests that you are experiencing difficulties in confronting a situation or relationship. You feel that you are unable to take charge of yourself.

Dreaming that you are scared indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence. You may be feeling a lack of control. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.

Seeing your own reflection in the mirror, suggests that you are pondering thoughts about your inner self. The reflection in the mirror is how you perceive yourself or how you want others to see you. You may be contemplating on strengthening and changing aspects of your character. Seeing images through the mirror may be a safe way for you to consider and/or confront material from your unconscious. Mirrors symbolize the imagination and a link between the conscious and unconscious.

Weekend Recap

Watched more Stargate Universe. A McKay episode! ♡

Helped J with some serious website/ blog fixing and stuff.

Repaired my Keurig. It needed to be descaled (you use the WHOLE bottle), burped (like a baby), and rebooted ("Did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in 5 minutes later?"). My wifi also needed the unplug treatment.

I missed a call from Renee while I was in the shower. Pretty sure she was asleep by the time I saw it. (Missed text beeps every 5 minutes. Missed calls- nothing. Just a logo on screen.)

I sort of updated my Goodreads.

And there was a 2am grocery run for 5 things. Used a discount for Chinese food. And saw Warcraft for free.

Installed Habitica app to see if I like it.

That was pretty much the weekend.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

140 to go

I thought you'd like this Pin on Pinterest...

So what's really interesting about this...

A few years ago, in one of my foolish rage phases, I started exercising against medical advice (which was to sit as still as possible as long as possible... I still take issue with that). I lost a few pounds and was all,  "whooo hoo." Then I got sick. Emergency room level of sick. And lost another 20 pounds that weekend. (Yeaaahhh, I don't recommend it.) The next time I worked out, I had a respiratory attack almost as bad as my first one. Then I could barely move for days because it hurt so damn bad.

One of the theories from "the 12" (docs) was that my body fat had stored the chemical I was exposed to. As I lost weight,  I re exposed myself. And thus - BAD. 

This pin is the first time that really made sense to me. How true it is, I don't know. But it collaborates with the docs.

Still not happy about being more than twice myself. But it's better than dead. And better than stuck in a hospital on a vent. So there's that.

Better than bad, but not good,  but acceptable. Yeah, I guess.

Okay,  enough random for tonight.

I had super fun hanging with Katie at Trivet after dropping off Mouse. I tried Disco fries. And the wings Katie raved about (though the wings were not as good as they were Thursday, she said).

And there is tiramisu in my refrigerator, so Yay!

Did I just end a weight post with a foodie moment?

Thursday, June 9, 2016

40 percent

I just realized that I have lived here for 40.5% of my life.
I've lived in a place I don't like longer than I've lived anywhere else.

Interestingly, it also means ♡ John and I ♡ have been together for 40.5% of my life.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Hershey's #ChocolateWorld Ride Picture Question

We had our group picture taken before the ride and while we were on the ride. We were standing in front of a green screen. Notice that one of us wore a green shirt. Hilarity!

That's me taking a picture of the picture that's supposedly taken while the ride is in progress. I have no idea where or how to get THAT picture. Anybody?

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Looks like good news

Granted,  it's been almost an hour and I haven't heard any more. But this is the update.

So... good news... maybe? Possibly?

(Facebook still hates me. I had Renee just check some for me quick.)


Sitting here waiting for news. (The kind that will be bad, just need to know HOW bad.)

Facebook still isn't working on my phone. And Nope, didn't log into the computer.

A friend of mine ended up at the hospital for more than just routine stuff. So it's depressing over there right now.

I'm going to sit and read a book for a while.

Had some yummy french toast (interesting that auto spell wants to capitalize Toast, but not french...), scrapple, and a scrambled egg for breakfast.

Especially good since all I could get down last night was a slurpee/icee from Turkey Hill.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Donkey Would Be Proud

I earned a ★ star reward ★ from Starbucks. That's right,  another free whatever-I-want.

And I had a great morning with John. Poor hubby, so distracted that he left his water bottle in my car when he darted off to work. Tee hee.

I'm taking a mental health day. There will be no Facebook. Hopefully no wedding stuff. I'm gonna sit and read and that is all. Maybe watch an episode of Fraser (Fraiser, Friaser... The psychiatrist spin off show from Cheers) while I eat my waffles.

That's right,  it's my morning, and I'm making Raspberry Waffles!  Yummy. I don't think I've had them in a year. But waffles and a cappuccino sound like a damn good idea.


I'm willing to spend $350 to not be questioned and to ensure my survival.

It's not that I can't think of anything better to do with the money. Trust me, I can think of plenty of other ways I'd like to spend it.

But a party for 60 guests. SIXTY. In July or August.  Residential homes aren't set up for that kind of air conditioning requirement. In fact, normal people homes also don't have 60 places to sit. Or enough toilets. Some people have septic tanks that would spill over if 60 people flushed in 3 hours!

Personally,  I have a sofa (3), a love seat (2), a chair (1), two office chairs (2), and two dining chairs (2). That's 10. Not 60.

But really, what was the point of the question? Why have three people asked me why I'm not trying to fit 60 people in a living room in July?

Are you people all apeshit crazy?

There's probably a fire code law thing about maximum capacity. And where the bloody hell would they park? Even with carpooling,  who the hell can fit 30 cars in their driveway? Even 15 cars is crazy!

Am I truly the only smart one?

I mean, I really. Take me out of the equation. Forget that I can't breathe and am a horrible burden in this family because I need cold air and that's asking too damn much from 98% of my relatives. If I wasn't in this damn party, who the hell thinks they have space for 60 people???!!??

Even if 10 don't come, that's 50! If half don't come, that's still 30.

30 places to sit. In a room where everyone can see the bride. And have a table for food.

Who are you people with 30 chairs ON HAND?

Rich people, that's who. Ones with big houses.

Oh, wait.

Without me, it can be outside. More places.

Yeah. I'm the problem.

I am.

And that's why it's being asked.

Annoy me enough and I'll go away.

Really, no need to hurt my feelings. No need to remind me of my depleted value. Just kick me out.

Like the Thanksgiving that John and I paid for, where I was told that I needed to leave because my need for air wasn't important.
Should have let you all starve.

But this is a different set of family.

Doesn't seem to matter.

Maybe I flew off the rails with my answer. Maybe I should be apologizing.
Sorry for my health.


Because I was already paying for everything so my health, my needs,  wouldn't be a burden to anyone.

That's not enough.

Fuck these people.


I have lovely, wonderful friends who love me. They don't love me less when I can't breathe. They don't make me feel bad about myself. I don't regret being alive when I'm around them. I'm glad I have them. I'm grateful for my nano group.

And for my husband, who still loves me even though I broke. And who has told me a blargh-a-jillion times that it isn't my fault. I didn't ask for chemically burned lungs. I just went to work one day and, because safety protocol hadn't been followed (good luck proving it!), inhaled toxins that forever changed my life. Then had some confused docs give me meds that made it worse. Why a lawyer doesn't want a piece of this... Oh,  right,  burden of proof would require many hours of research and I don't live in a movie where some lawyer is eager to prove him/her self by fighting for the cause... and only getting paid 33% of the winnings.

What was I saying?
I don't know.

I'm not ready for summer.

I'm even less ready to deal with this stress.

It isn't fair to the bride and groom that I'm about ready to quit because of one more snarky question from someone else. But I really am.


Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Furious Rage

Because only anger makes the tears stop.

Why is this the third person to question me on this?

"Hi, want to come to a free party and have free food and do stuff that's free and not pay a penny because it's free?"

"Could it, instead,  cost money and time and be somewhere else and maybe could you not be there?"

That's this conversation.

I'm so done.

Why do people suck so much?

Kick Me Sign Must be in Place

I'm an evil,  selfish bitch who mostly just thinks about her own survival.

I shouldn't have come home.

I shouldn't have looked at Facebook (which no longer works on my phone,  btw, so computer only).

I shouldn't have read the message.

And maybe I shouldn't have flipped out at the answer.

But whatever.

I don't care anymore.

Kick me out. It'd be a favor at this point.

I'm done with getting attacked. I already feel inferior to my former self because of this breathing disorder. I don't need it pointed out. I don't need it shoved in my face.

And,  for once, I wasn't even inconveniencing anyone!  I'm paying hundreds of dollars TO AVOID inconveniencing these people. I just said I needed one more week.




Do people even care when they're being hurtful?

"So,  this paraplegic thing... Could you just walk for one day,  like,  up the steps of the Philly Art Museum?  I mean,  your limbs, if you suck it up,  you could walk,  right?"

That's what it feels like the conversation was. Except it's my lungs instead of limbs,  and breathing instead of walking.

It's mean.
It's hurtful.

And it's worth none of these tears.

I don't think I can Facebook for a while. I just can't take it anymore. There's a level of cruel and it's just been passed by someone who was once a friend and family.

I'm just done right now. I don't have the strength for this fight. I'm upset and I'm done.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Dried Flowers

These dried flowers now hang above my desk,  reminding me of my loving friends. This makes me happy.

Saturday, May 28, 2016


Imagine if you came home and found a naked man, a stranger, had broken into your home and was rubbing his body,  especially his feet, all over your stuff. Particularly, his unwashed feet touched as much of your food as he could find. And he wants to touch you, too. He'd get anywhere he could reach. (Assume he's revolting.) Then he starts taking some of your food, and calls all of his friends to help him rob you.

And that's why I hate ants.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Before I Turn Older Still

Check out @niicki's Tweet:

Where am I going?
That was once so clear.
I knew,  back when I was 17 and graduating high school/ a Freshman in college,  exactly where I was going and what I needed to do to get there.
Except I didn't, really. I had some big ideas. But at least I had ideas and drive. And certainty!  If you had asked me what I'd do if the plans didn't work out, I'd have looked at you like you were unintelligent and replied,  with careful enunciation, that I'd figure it out.

I always had, you see. So much had been tossed at me by then that I felt prepared for anything.

So the world tested me. It threw more. A lot more. All at once. It took chunks of my body, mind, soul, spirit, sexuality, bravery,  strength, health... everything.

I dealt with it the best way I could. I made new plans to keep up.

Then it hit harder. So I fought harder.

Then the most awful thing that can ever happen,  happened. My light went out with that blow.

No more sun in the sky.

I live by a match. And it frequently burns out. So I search for another match, and something to strike it upon. I dare not light a torch or a camp fire,  for surely the signal would be easy to spot in the darkness, and I'd be crushed again.

Except the match is not enough to live by.

And this metaphor is over done.

I had goals I'd accomplish before I turned 35.

A nice list. A long list. A doable list.
I did one.
Well, one that lasted.
There are some that cannot just be moved to "by the time I'm 40."
I could picture my future before. Now I can't.
I can't even imagine what my life will be like in a month from now.
Right at this moment, I don't even have certainty of my life in two weeks from now.
Not my address, nor the well being of my family, or my financial place, or even what my health condition will be by then.

I really don't know where I'm going. I'm not even sure where I am.

Do I at least know what I might like to happen?
1- Sell a certain property to 2 close people.
1a. Be assured of their safety and well being as best as I can be.
1b. Have the necessary funds to relocate my husband and myself and aquire new furniture (so as to prevent the migration of mold as much as possible) and have proper cooling so as to facilitate my survival.
2- Get better.
2a. More than just stable.
2b. Not just "not worse."
2c. At least have some moments of less pain.
2c-1. LESS pain,  not just days where it isn't worse, but days where it isn't as bad. Days at a 4 on the pain scale. Not my normal 7.

I want to add writing goals. I feel obligated to add wedding related goals,  as a Matron of Honor. Friendship goals? Cooking, cleaning,  household goals? Maybe weight loss or strength increase goals? Motherhood goals? Aunt goals? Reading goals?

I don't know. The stretch of the first two seems so out of reach. I should endeavor to find Atlantis,  as the odds are more in my favor.

Do I dare set a goal just to have hope?
Goal: Have Hope.
Ahh, but hope leads me to trouble. It pulls at that inner girl I once was,  the one who believed, the one who the world had not broken yet. The one who would have found a way to light a fire as bright as the sun. Or something. I don't know.

That 17 year old me would be pleased with the husband and friends.
But she'd find a way to overhaul the rest of this,  because it'd sicken her to look at this life.

There must be a way to fix this. There must be a path I could take to get back on track.

Maybe if I knew the track, that'd help.

I play Civilization V more often,  and usually on an easier level. Why? So I can win. I'm not there for the challenge. I just need a win. A small victory. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It's a game. But sometimes,  surrounded by so much failure, I just need to do something right. It's not so much a fear of failure- that'd be silly, at this point, because it happens all the damn time- but a desperate need to win. To recall what it feels like so I can go on to something else and hope for the same elation.

Is it reasonable to expect my two current goals before I turn 40? I don't know.

Should I aim lower? I don't see how I can.
How about one? The first.
Yes. Just the first set. 1, 1a, 1b.
Though I am, with my whole heart and mind,  convinced that moving from this place will lead to the second.
But I shall move but once more, by choice, in this life. If I move again after that,  be assured it is because the ocean is about to consume the state, or aliens have abducted us all, or the new overlords have commanded it after conquering the nation. This is how passionately I hate moving. "Why don't you just move," is the equivalent of "why don't you just cut out some of your own organs and Frankenstein yourself back together?" It might not all fit, you might not find some of it, the infection from that could be worse than what was wrong... No. Once more, and that is it.

Ideally, I'd move in a cool October. I'd like to be party to the moving, not just cowering in the cool air.

Not that I can look at houses in the summer. Who would pay to cool it?
So shopping in the autumn, moving in the winter. But before Thanksgiving. Certainly before Dec 31, when the lease expires.

I said that last year.
And the year before that.
And the one before that,  as well.

And I'm done now.

Is it depression? The thing is, as I understand it,  depression is the result of chemicals being off balance. I don't know that I can attribute my feelings to that. Would I be happier if I were in my new home, and my 2 people were in their home and no longer suffering the imminent danger they face now? Yes. I've wanted that since... Honestly, since I was 13. Really, when I think on it, I worked toward that goal since then. Originally my plan was to make enough money by the time I was 23 to afford both.

I could have sold the property shortly after I got it. The bank would have been obligated to buy it. But that didn't meet my goal of getting a home for my 2 people, pulling them out of the situation they landed themselves in. (So I'm helping them land in $167,000 of debt, when one is in poor health and the other is about to turn 62. They'll have their dream, but get the cost of a nightmare. Shit. Nope, not thinking on that.)

How can I make the best of today?
Reading and writing for a bit.

How can I make the best of the next 7 days?
I don't know. Next week holds challenges that I've yet to figure out how to face.

To believe that one day it'll be okay again. That I'll be able to be happy without sounding like a loon. (Because, I'm sorry, but it's pretty damn bad right now, so anyone who's happy in the face of a health crisis, financial ruin, family dilemmas, and safety concerns probably just doesn't understand what's going on.)


Definition of precipice: at

I so rarely have occasion to use this word. But here I am,  on the precipice of change.

The morning will bring a decision that will  either spiral my entire life drastically down hill,  or nothing will change at all.

That's it.

One or the other is coming.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

No influence over my own life. No choice or action I can reasonably take to influence the decision.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

The night sky

Driving tonight, I saw the moon hanging low in the southern sky looking especially rust-colored.
I managed to get a decent pic with my phone.
Yes, the moon, not Mars.

Though, I did open my skymap app and found Mars and Saturn in the sky. Two little dots.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Is that an asparagus in your pants and is it happy to see me

Man to pre-school age boy:

"What you want and what's reality aren't the same thing. Now let me get the check so we don't get arrested."

1- #dreamkiller Reality isn't going to the moon, but we've done that. So maybe stop crushing dreams of the young.

2- Given the high percentage of children with a close relative in a legal battle, maybe arrested shouldn't be seen as the worst thing possible. Innocent until proven arrested? No.
Obviously teaching that paying the bill is important. But it seemed like poor phrasing.

Just random thoughts for today.

Now enjoy that asparagus picture.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Two tweets toward a chance to win

Check out @PenMinion's Tweet:

That tweet is your chance to win $1000 worth of notebooks for following some Instagram accounts.

This tweet is about dreams. Accomplishing dreams is a life win.

I'm going to add to my dream comment answer here. (Frankly,  3 comments on one post is probably a bit much... )

I'm not sure how to word this dream, so bear with me. (You can also bare with me if you want to get naked. Ha ha.)

Due to my respiratory condition,  I'm heat intolerant. Warm air feels like breathing in shards of glass. Slow, painful suffocation. (Zero pleasure. No idea what pleasure some people get from not breathing,  but whatever "wire" in the brain has that,  mine was cut.)

My best friend,  Renee, totally understands. When I visit her, she's got the air cranked. If she can't get her whole house cool, she at least makes safe spots for me. And sits with me. Granted,  she enjoys the cool air,  so it's easier. Or maybe she's just superwoman. I don't know, but I love her for it. I never feel guilty or unsafe at her place.

Family members will sometimes set a little cold area up for me. Away from everyone. Away from the food, drinks, bathroom,  and merriment. My own personal leper colony. I've sat on a chair outside and watched Christmas through the window. I understand ghosts.

I've sat at a friend's house. She was wrapped up under two blankets and still shivering. She asked if I was cold enough, and noted that I looked bright red. I lied and said I was fine. I can't bring myself to say,  "no, I'm roasting hot" while the host is freezing at 72° F. Especially knowing that it'll be another 12° until I'm okay. I feel guilty,  and my mind is listing the place as unsafe, which breaks my heart.

I frequently lie about being okay when I'm not. I deal with this disorder punishing me. But taking down my friends and family? That's why I became an introvert.

Yes, I've heard it's not a choice. But I was the host or co-host of parties. Ever been to a party where you only know 1 person? BEEN? I'VE THROWN THEM!  I made a ton of friends that night... nights... The rager kind of lasted a few days, with people just coming and going. I moved to a town where I didn't know a soul, and I loved it. I made friends. I took over social groups. And it wasn't the first time. When I lived in West Virginia, I was the most popular girl in the school. Upper and lower classmates came to me for advice. I didn't realize I held the title until people told me. It was just me being me. For the record, I was nice, not a mean girl. Okay, maybe to Jim, but the perv needed a smack. Anyway

I'm not bragging. I'm pointing out history. I leave my house once a week now. Sometimes twice. But usually once. On Tuesday,  to be with my writing friends. Except November, oh sweet tasty Nov,  where we meet up several times a yummy week, mmmmmmm. ♡

That's who I am now. Sounds like an introvert. But am I? It's a choice I made because I hate having other people freezing to keep me from extreme pain. I can't bring myself to ask them to be colder. I haven't even spent more than a few hours at my parents house because my dad can't take the cold, and trying to get it cool for me and then warm for him was exhausting my mom,  so I just stopped going.

So what's the dream in this? To not feel guilty, pain, or outcasted when hanging out with people? Yeah, I guess so. I dream of having this nice house where people can come over and there's room to sit. But I know I'll have to buy mini heaters for them, or I'll just be watching from another room. People aren't coming. For the same damn reason so few want to go to Antarctica. (Okay, maybe some other cold place, because I want to go! The trip costs like 16 grand, which is my not-packing-right-now reason.)

Dream to earn enough money for that trip from writing?

Would I survive the flight? What if the plane was hot? The boat leaves from South America. Not exactly known for being cold.

I'm off topic. And I still don't know how to properly word my dream. I guess it's the same one as the getting better dream. But it isn't. This one is about dealing while I wait to get better, or dealing because I won't (short of a medical breakthrough).

End thoughts.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Printed page book lovers

I think you'll like 5x Multifunction Thumb Thing Book Page Holder Convenient Bookmark AZD. Add it to your wishlist!

For those of you who read real books (not just ebooks), this is a godsend. My best friend bought this for me last year. I love it. I found them on this site today and had to share.

Monday, May 16, 2016

#boutofbooks wrap up

I made a dent in my reading pile. Not as much of one as I had hoped, but it was a very hard and long week for me,  personally.

I missed the interactions from previous boutofbook events. The challenges felt more live before,  somehow. Maybe it's just in my little head. It was a rough week, so it's possible that my rose colored glasses were covered in mud.

See you in August!

Saturday, May 14, 2016

#FoodTruckFest 2016 Fun

John and I had a great time today. And we finally saw the inside of the Iron Pigs Coca Cola Park! If it wasn't raining we probably would have stayed longer. Some of the trucks weren't there (bacon...), which was a bummer. The pizza truck was firing up as we left- literally, there was an oven with fire, it was awesome.