Sigh

I'm willing to spend $350 to not be questioned and to ensure my survival.

It's not that I can't think of anything better to do with the money. Trust me, I can think of plenty of other ways I'd like to spend it.

But a party for 60 guests. SIXTY. In July or August.  Residential homes aren't set up for that kind of air conditioning requirement. In fact, normal people homes also don't have 60 places to sit. Or enough toilets. Some people have septic tanks that would spill over if 60 people flushed in 3 hours!

Personally,  I have a sofa (3), a love seat (2), a chair (1), two office chairs (2), and two dining chairs (2). That's 10. Not 60.

But really, what was the point of the question? Why have three people asked me why I'm not trying to fit 60 people in a living room in July?

Are you people all apeshit crazy?

There's probably a fire code law thing about maximum capacity. And where the bloody hell would they park? Even with carpooling,  who the hell can fit 30 cars in their driveway? Even 15 cars is crazy!

Am I truly the only smart one?

I mean, I really. Take me out of the equation. Forget that I can't breathe and am a horrible burden in this family because I need cold air and that's asking too damn much from 98% of my relatives. If I wasn't in this damn party, who the hell thinks they have space for 60 people???!!??

Even if 10 don't come, that's 50! If half don't come, that's still 30.

30 places to sit. In a room where everyone can see the bride. And have a table for food.

Who are you people with 30 chairs ON HAND?

Rich people, that's who. Ones with big houses.

Oh, wait.

Without me, it can be outside. More places.

Yeah. I'm the problem.

I am.

And that's why it's being asked.

Annoy me enough and I'll go away.

Really, no need to hurt my feelings. No need to remind me of my depleted value. Just kick me out.

Like the Thanksgiving that John and I paid for, where I was told that I needed to leave because my need for air wasn't important.
Should have let you all starve.

But this is a different set of family.

Doesn't seem to matter.

Maybe I flew off the rails with my answer. Maybe I should be apologizing.
Sorry for my health.

No.

Because I was already paying for everything so my health, my needs,  wouldn't be a burden to anyone.

That's not enough.

Fuck these people.

============================

I have lovely, wonderful friends who love me. They don't love me less when I can't breathe. They don't make me feel bad about myself. I don't regret being alive when I'm around them. I'm glad I have them. I'm grateful for my nano group.

And for my husband, who still loves me even though I broke. And who has told me a blargh-a-jillion times that it isn't my fault. I didn't ask for chemically burned lungs. I just went to work one day and, because safety protocol hadn't been followed (good luck proving it!), inhaled toxins that forever changed my life. Then had some confused docs give me meds that made it worse. Why a lawyer doesn't want a piece of this... Oh,  right,  burden of proof would require many hours of research and I don't live in a movie where some lawyer is eager to prove him/her self by fighting for the cause... and only getting paid 33% of the winnings.

What was I saying?
I don't know.

I'm not ready for summer.

I'm even less ready to deal with this stress.

It isn't fair to the bride and groom that I'm about ready to quit because of one more snarky question from someone else. But I really am.

:'(

Furious Rage

Because only anger makes the tears stop.

Why is this the third person to question me on this?

"Hi, want to come to a free party and have free food and do stuff that's free and not pay a penny because it's free?"

"Could it, instead,  cost money and time and be somewhere else and maybe could you not be there?"

That's this conversation.

I'm so done.

Why do people suck so much?

Kick Me Sign Must be in Place

I'm an evil,  selfish bitch who mostly just thinks about her own survival.

I shouldn't have come home.

I shouldn't have looked at Facebook (which no longer works on my phone,  btw, so computer only).

I shouldn't have read the message.

And maybe I shouldn't have flipped out at the answer.

But whatever.

I don't care anymore.

Kick me out. It'd be a favor at this point.

I'm done with getting attacked. I already feel inferior to my former self because of this breathing disorder. I don't need it pointed out. I don't need it shoved in my face.

And,  for once, I wasn't even inconveniencing anyone!  I'm paying hundreds of dollars TO AVOID inconveniencing these people. I just said I needed one more week.

Fuck.

Just.

Fuck.

Do people even care when they're being hurtful?

"So,  this paraplegic thing... Could you just walk for one day,  like,  up the steps of the Philly Art Museum?  I mean,  your limbs, if you suck it up,  you could walk,  right?"

That's what it feels like the conversation was. Except it's my lungs instead of limbs,  and breathing instead of walking.

It's mean.
It's hurtful.

And it's worth none of these tears.

I don't think I can Facebook for a while. I just can't take it anymore. There's a level of cruel and it's just been passed by someone who was once a friend and family.

I'm just done right now. I don't have the strength for this fight. I'm upset and I'm done.

#atozchallenge R is #wedding Reception parking and Restrooms

Back in the H post, I mentioned handicapped guests. I’m bringing them back up in case you have any and haven’t thought about their bathroom and parking needs. While you’re at it, check those bathrooms out! A kitchen is typically as clean and well-kept as a bathroom. Think about that if you’re ordering your food there. Women will especially comment on a nasty bathroom, and compliment a well-kept one. (A bar around me received a special local award due to the overwhelming number of women who voted it best bathroom in the area—it wasn’t even a category! Write-ins. Ha ha.) By the way, how big is your wedding dress? Can you, dear bride, and that dress fit into those stalls? Best to check before you put down hundreds of deposit dollars.

Back outside, count the number of parking spaces. Factor in the number of guests, and about how many cars they have. I’ve been to receptions with a shortage of parking. It isn’t pretty. I’ve seen cars getting towed. Heard DJs pause the music, “will the red Ford Mustang, plate A2ZR-0421 (ha) please move your vehicle out of the neighbor’s driveway.”

Planning avoids disasters. That could be your getaway car out there. The tow-truck taking away the Just-Married mobile and having to spend $500 to get it out… not the best way to start a marriage.

Political

#VoteAquaman

Survival of the prettiest?  Death for all?  Or survival of the fittest?

The meme implies that no leader of America is capable of compassion for the sick or elderly.

It implies that Stephen Hawking isn't worth saving. He's smart- big deal! He isn't pretty and can't lift a bucket,  and therefore is without value. (Glad he lives in England.)

Babies also get to drown in this scenario.

Because I find this entire thing ridiculous,  I've decided to reply with an intellectually equal answer. Aquaman, King of Atlantis. He has the ability to get sealife to bring everyone to shore. Therefore,  he's qualified to rule.

#VoteAquaman