O is for Offerings, Gifts, and Registries #atozchallenge #wedding

What a wonderful world it would be if everyone knew exactly what you wanted and needed for your wedding.

But they don’t. And they are probably poor guessers. “A can opener? Umm, sure, everyone needs to open cans.”

That being said, there will always be some people who will get you whatever they feel like getting you and that’s that. My grandmother was well known for giving the same thing at every wedding shower. Brides got two laundry baskets filled with all the basic household items. Paper towels, tissues, toilet paper, coffee filters, pens, napkins, dish towels and wash cloths, etc. And that was great. Aunt Elinore crocheted blankets for all new couples-- that's absolutely priceless.

For the rest of us, there’s the gift registry. Pick a store, drag your other half along, and decide what you’d buy if you could afford it. Get a few less expensive items on there, especially if kids are coming. “But I wannnaa give them a gift toooooo.” And add two or three big ticket items. Your wedding party will probably chip in together to get you a big gift.

Speaking of, what gifts are you getting for them? On your wedding day, it is customary to give a little gift to your party. Engraved toasting glasses, flasks, fancy keychains, necklaces and cufflinks… If you’re looking for more ideas and ways to save money on this, here’s a link to Oriental Trading Co. I’ve mentioned that company before as a money saver. http://refer.orientaltrading.com/pu354

If you get married in a religious establishment, it is generally customary to give an offering. The bride and groom put together the pre-determined amount of money and seal it in an envelope. The Best Man hands this to the officiant after the ceremony.

Join me for tomorrow’s post warning you about the Pots and Pans Scam.

K is for the Bride Emergency Kit #AtoZchallenge

The more you search on this topic, the more great ideas you are going to find. Get a bag, purse, backpack, or whatever suits your need. Stuff it full of all the crazy stuff the bride might need. Label it "property of the bride," or something along those lines. Put someone in charge of the Bride Emergency Kit. (BEK)

Whoever is in charge of the bag brings it to the wedding and the reception. They will be seated moments before the "music change" when the bridal party comes in. (Someone you'll put in the front row by the parents is an ideal choice.) The person will tag along for pictures, even if they aren't in them. The person is the last to sit before the party officially enters the reception. You might have this "BEK" person leave the bag in the bathroom at that point.

What are the basics of this kit? Whatever you normally carry in your purse, plus whatever you might need on this day. Your medicine cabinet of usual remedies, make-up for touching up, tissues, extra stockings (if you're wearing them), ballet slippers for the reception, phone charger, chalk to cover any stains on the fly, scotch tape, duct tape, packing tape, a lighter, a bottle of water, your favorite snack bar/ nuts/ non-messy treat, the numbers of every business you've used for the event, a spare house key, safety pins, etc.

Play the "what would you do if" game. Watch the wedding fail videos and see how many of those terror-comedies could be avoided with some planning.

And to you guys out there, a Groom Emergency Kit can be a real lifesaver. What item could you forget that someone will give you a hard time about forgetting? Pin a list to the GEK and get your most reliable bro to make sure you have that stuff.

Tomorrow I'll talk about transportation.

E is for Elope #atozchallenge

If you haven't thought about it yet, you probably should.

                        

Weddings are expensive. They are stressful.

Here's the first thing to do:

Write down why you want to have a wedding. Not why you want to get married, not why you're in love, but why you want to spend your time and money on a wedding. It's a gathering that lasts a few hours. The memories last a lifetime, but the wedding and reception are fairly short. A house can last a long time, too. So can a new car. The down payment for either of those can be equal to the amount of money spent on a wedding. So the first thing you need to do is figure out WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS.

Hang on to that. You're going to need to look back on it as you plan. It'll help.

But what if you have no reason? Or what if that reason stops mattering? Maybe you've discovered that your guest list is full of people who you wouldn't spit on if they were fire, much less invite to a huge party with $40 a plate dinners for which you're the one paying.

Then it's time to think about eloping.

I could talk about a Wedding-Moon here, but I've never seen an inexpensive one. So I'm just going to talk about eloping.

Get a marriage license from City Hall and have a judge perform the service one afternoon.

Or elope in Las Vegas. There are several other cities that offer quick weddings on the cheap, saving you thousands of dollars and plenty of headaches.

• Niagara Falls
• New Orleans
• Orlando
• Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio - https://www.cedarpoint.com/plan-a-visit/wedding-packages

Check the policies of states near you. Will they marry out-of-state residents, is there a waiting period, and do you need a blood test or other items to marry?

A wedding at sea is actually much harder than Hollywood would lead you to believe, so do quite a bit of research if you plan to go that route. There are also Internet wedding services that are legal in some areas.

It never hurts to have a backup plan.

Check back tomorrow for information about wedding favors, assuming you haven't been talked out of a wedding yet! 

D is for Dress Rip-offs #AtoZChallenge

"The Davey& Goliath Dress Shop is having a $98 gown sale!"

Yeah, I'm sure they are. First off, notice the fine print on the sale ad. Dresses START at the low price. This means two things. One- some of those dresses are going to cost more than $98, many of them, in fact. Two- That's the price for the dress as is, so don't think one Benjamin is gonna cover you. Okay, yes, some brides get lucky. Some brides find the perfect dress at those sales and it fits.

Other brides find a dress that they somewhat like and it sort of fits. Then "Davey& Goliath" offers their in-house tailoring and custom alterations. Suddenly the sale price isn't as spectacular. There are add-in and fees that come out of no-where, and that $98 dress now costs $300 and still doesn't fit right.

I've seen it happen. A bride I knew got so frustrated that she stormed out of the store, walked through the parking lot to a department store, and bought a white sundress off the rack and got married in that. There's nothing wrong with that choice, but her bridesmaids were wearing very elegant gowns and she was in a $12 sundress. She still curses "Davey& Goliath" (not the real shop name) to everyone who will listen. If you search, you'll find her complaints and warning on numerous websites.

There was a wedding I was in a few years ago. My bride and our party went to "Davey& Goliath" to look for dresses. We found a purple gown that looked good on all of us and was affordable. Orders were placed. Money was exchanged. The dresses did not come. First it was that they no longer had the color (watch a bride change the entire color scheme of her wedding in tears at such news), then they lost the order, then the wrong dresses showed up, two of them with the wrong sizes. And that was it. My bride switched dress shops and we all ended up wearing red (the color that was, allegedly, in stock — because she wasn't going to change the scheme back again now). (PS— The bride mentioned here still complains 16 years later about those red dresses, and that "Davey& Goliath" couldn't give us those beautiful purple ones.)

Shop with care. Have someone reputable who won't rip you off do the alterations. And get the dresses in hand as far in advance as possible. If "Jane" manages to lose those ten pounds, she can get her dress resized later. But not too much later— leave time for disasters! Plan for the best and expect the worse.

Tune in tomorrow for a discussion on Eloping.

C is for Crinoline, Custom Dresses, and Crazy Trains #atozchallenge

  

Wedding planning really is all about THE DRESS. I’ve seen it time and time again. Everything is just a vague pile of ideas and dreams… then the bride finds THE DRESS and everything falls into place.

(I don’t know what the equivalent of this is for weddings with all tuxes. If someone can enlighten me, please do so. I love to learn!)

Summer or Winter? Beach or Church?

THE DRESS provides answers.

Crazy train lengths, for example, are called “cathedral” for a reason. Trying to drag that monstrosity through the sand isn’t just difficult, it’s dangerous. (Ask the bride who had to be cut out of her dress to avoid drowning to death. There’s a fun view for your guests- NOT.)

 

There is no law about wedding fashion. I know a couple who got married wearing NASCAR gear. (They have a connection to the sport.) My cousin attended a skydiving wedding ceremony- no fluffy white dress at that party! 

Wondering what the deal is with white? In the olden days it was a sign of virginity. That’s what people mean when they say cruel gossipy things like, “I can’t believe she wore white!” You don’t need to invite those kinds of people. Let me say it again- There is no law about wedding fashion. (At least not in a majority of America— feel free to check for obscure or bizarre laws at your leisure.) Some cultures and religions do have traditions, but only you can decide if that's something you want to embrace. Red, the symbol of love and prosperity, is the dress color of choice in Chinese culture and an auspicious choice for much of India.

What gives flouncy dresses that huge poufy shape? Crinoline. Some women have never heard of this before. There are many dresses out there that are designed to have this extra piece worn underneath. It usually doesn’t come with the dress, so you might need to budget for one. They come in various shapes and sizes depending on the dress style you’ve selected. Someone will likely need to climb under your wedding dress and fix all the layers of the crinoline when you first get dressed.

Combine crinoline and a crazy train and you’ve got a problem that might not have occurred to you, dear bride. You can’t go to the bathroom alone. Someone has to hold up all those fluffy layers, or help you in and out of this. And before you even think it—no, you should not go the whole day without liquid. HYDRATION MATTERS.

Some brides are okay with this buddy system scenario. Others will opt for a “little less dress” and a product called the Bridal Buddy which helps you lift up your dress. And then there are those who will wear the big gown for the ceremony and pictures, and then change into a casual dress for the reception.

Which brings me to the final C­­—custom dresses. There exist, in some places, dress shops where a seamstress will customize a dress for a fraction of the cost of buying a new one and having it altered. These shops purchase dresses at a discount and resell them. Usually the dress is new. Sometimes it was worn once. Occasionally it was ordered but never worn. Seek these shops out to save big. Tomorrow we’ll discuss Wedding Dress rip-offs.

B is for Budget #atozchallenge

  

I cannot stress enough the need to have a budget in place before you do anything else.

• “Daddy will probably pay for all of it.”
• “The manners guide says the father of the groom pays for the bar tab.”
• “I have $500 saved. That should be enough.”

That is not a budget. Those are pre-conceived notions. You need to nail down an actual budget. You need to know who is paying for what, how much they are willing to spend, and when you can expect to have that money.

When you go to buy a dress, you will need money. When you book a reception hall, you will need a deposit. The cake will require a deposit, probably full payment before the wedding date. All of the major planning is going to require some form of payment, and most of them are going to want it upfront, at least in part.

Make a list of everything you’ll need for your day. Then do research on what the websites and books say you’ll need for a wedding. Once you’ve figured out what you do and don’t need, start pricing. Figure out what matters most to you.

There are people who think custom engraved invitations are an absolute must. (Check out the Wax Seals post on W day.) For other folks, a party isn’t a party unless a vat of vodka has been consumed. One girl I knew just couldn’t live without a dove release. What seems superfluous to you is someone else’s absolute essential. Budget according to your desire, not third-cousin Ellen’s or Aunt Becky’s or even Grandpop’s. They probably won’t care in five years from now. You will.

If you're curious— the cake and the bride are what guests photograph the most.

Now that you know what you want and have a general idea of costs in your wedding area, you can discuss the budget with other people. You can find out if Daddy really is going to pay for all of it, or chip in, and find out when that money will come. Armed with knowledge is the way to approach people when asking for money.

It’s also the best way to figure out how much of a wedding loan to take out from the bank, should the situation come to that. Or a way to figure out how long it will take to save up enough money for the wedding. (And it may be a factor in deciding to elope instead. Check out the post on E day.)

Be sure you have money when you go dress shopping. There is nothing worse than finding THE DRESS and not having the money. Then it vanishes. It’s heartbreaking. Avoid this pain. More about the dress and avoiding rip-offs in the next two letters (C and D).

I'll also be getting into how you can save money by using the dollar store and http://refer.orientaltrading.com/pu354

A is for Address Labels at Wedding Shows #atozchallenge

If you haven’t thought about going to bridal shows, you should. Why? Prizes and discounts! The larger the population of your area is, the bigger and better the shows will be. Most of the vendors will have entries for giveaways.

Here’s today’s insider tip: Save your hand by making address labels. The 30 to a sheet size is ideal. (Avery 8160)  Use a size 8 or 10 font. Here’s what to put.

 Include the name of the bride and the groom. Some vendors will ask about him (Not many, but some.) [For you same-gender couples, just put “groom” and “groom” or “bride” and “bride” or however you wish to be referred to as. My blog doesn’t discriminate, but it does use shorthand where possible!]

Use only one address. Having everything sent to one location will make your life easier in the long run.

Include your wedding date. EVERY vendor will want that. Pick a season at the very least, a month is good too. But an exact date will help tremendously, EVEN IF IT’S FAKE! Yes, you can fib here. Change the date later. Unless you’ve signed contracts or put down deposits on something, it isn’t a big deal.

Email, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter  -- Some vendors will toss in extra contest entries for “likes” or “follows.” Your Pinterest board probably has loads of ideas of what you want (useful for cake decorators, florists, bridal shops, etc when they seek to please you).

Phone number – They all want it. They will call you. You will end up on calling lists. You will have signed up for those, which is the Do Not Call List work around. Consider this when you decide what number to put down.

*Your area code and 555-1212 is the number for information. A computer can’t deal with that situation and will thus be unable to reach you via autodial. A human can ask for the number from the operator. (If they reach you or not depends on if you’re listed.) So, for example, the number for information in Manhattan is (212)555-1212. You’ll have business cards from everywhere and you’ll be able to call THEM on your own terms. Or, if there’s someone you especially want a call from, you can always say, “Let me give you my other number.” *

Number of guests – If you happen to know it, or can make a guess within 25. (50 people, 75 people, 125 people...)

Name of Wedding and Reception location- After you’ve booked them and paid for it. Skip this if you don’t have it yet. You might win one!

While attending wedding shows my friends and I have won:

• A $300 tiara
• $150 off a wedding cake
• 3 free tux rentals
• A crystal vase
• A deviled egg holder plate
• A $500 spa trip

There have also been items that were “WON” – note the quotes. Come back for letter P to learn more about that.