February 5 question - Is there a story or book you've written you want to/wish you could go back and change?
I started a story a few years ago, mostly to process and deal with the unbearable emotions I was facing. I never published it. I shared some of it with two people. There's almost nothing stopping me from making changes to it.
- I don't care enough
- I can't figure out how to get Scrivener on a Chromebook ( *NOT a complaint or ingradititude -- an observation of my own ineptitude)
- FAIL FAIL FAIL
- My Samsung laptop won't work soon because of Windows update and such
- I'm fucking poor
- Probably gonna be more poor as food prices soar
- I hate Trump
- What I want to change depresses the shit out of me
So, I don't see this happening any time soon.
There's another story I was working on. (Yup, also in Scrivener.) It's a YA.
(There is no Caps Lock on Chromebook. Stop hitting Caps Lock, Jamie. Dammit.)
Anyhow, the tech doesn't fit. I don't know. I've been working on it for over a decade.
Anyhow, the tech doesn't fit. I don't know. I've been working on it for over a decade.
And now, my main character would have much larger problems. Impossible ones.
I don't know. I'm not okay. My friends aren't okay. Every day is a new, horrible, psychotic...
A plane crashed in my old neighborhood the other day.
Planes are falling from the sky. And the dipshit running the country is all, "we need to reduce the safety procedures and get rid of people!"
Didn't see planes falling from the sky when Biden was president. Or birds. They found dead geese in a nearby lake, with the bird flu. No one is doing anything about that.
I have zero chill. No focus. I just...
I keep writing my useless Congress people.
And that story I was talking about? Yeah, my main character is a big supporter of someone who is currently a Congress person. And that person has taken a political nosedive. Abandoned a large chunk of what my main character admired. I already kill off her parents, have her betrayed by her family, lose a friend... now someone she looks up to fails? They were supposed to be the thing that propels her forward, that moves that final part so she is inspired to become the character at the ending. Now there's no decent reason for her choice. It's not a small rewrite, it's a plot overhaul. And I just don't feel like I have that in me. Not right now.
I hear your anger, and I wish I had a few answers. I doubt it's a comfort, but you are not alone. Things change. They always change.
ReplyDeleteAnna from elements of emaginette
Wow, Jamie, you are struggling and I understand your feelings. "I am not okay," reminded me of a song by Jelly Roll with that title. Sometimes I play it to soothe myself when I'm feeling despair: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=jyludablsPM
ReplyDeleteIt's okay if you just don't have it in yourself right now to tackle certain things. Be kind to yourself and do things you can. Like Anna above, I don't have answers, but I try to focus on the positive and know that things pass, things change. Sending you a big hug!
Anonymously Esther O'Neill, with no signal, still, East of the Sun, rubbish broadband, and earned this tribute from one fellow UK citizen -
ReplyDelete' People like you are destroying this country'
Reading your post, I hope you'd disagree. Won't be warm on Saturday, about 5C, back to the silent vigil., town centre, only for an hour., wish we could do more. Thinking, too, of my Californian cousins, U.S. citizens, only half European.
And our birds are dying too - bird flu. .