Wednesday, October 17, 2018

There Are Geckos in Haiti #WEP #FlashFiction


My cousin keeps talking about this contest. So I figured what the heck, I'll give it a go. Hope you enjoy!

There Are Geckos in Haiti

Timmy’s hands hold his head up as his elbows dig into the table. “Why does it matter that you weren't the first to know? The test came back negative. Can't we just be happy that I don't have cancer?”

“Because I should have been the first to know! You told her instead. She's the one that made your appointment.” The tissue box creases in my hands. It's like deja vu; the same argument again and again.

“So?” Timmy slams his fist on the table. The envelope with the doctor's bill, for tests not covered by our insurance, bounces from the force.

“That's my job. I'm your wife. I'm the first one you should tell if you think you've got cancer. Especially there. I'm the one who should have made that appointment. I'm the one who should have taken you. And before that, I'm the one who should have looked, felt the lump for myself. I could have probably told you it was an ingrown hair. I've got twenty years of waxing on you. Not like I've never seen one.”

“Oh, you're a doctor now? You know the difference between an ingrown hair and testicular cancer by just looking? Henrietta didn't. She waxes too.”

Fire explodes through my body. “Excuse me?”

Timmy's eyes widen like a mouse as the trap snaps down. “Well, I just mean, it's not like … She was with me when I felt it, so naturally I had her look. That's when she made the appointment.”

“With. Her. Where?” I exhale white-hot rage between each word. The letter opener is only an inch from my hand, sitting under the pile of used tissues. Do I have any tears left for this man?

“At work. Of course at work. Where else would we be?”

Timmy's answer doesn't come out like a fluid fact of obviousness. Instead, it's blips and pauses, like a child creating a lie one word at a time, checking if they make sense.

“You just dropped-trou at work? Who else got a free show? Or are you also a stripper now? There a stack of ones in your wallet?”

“The ATM at the strip club gives two- dollar bills,” he says with a sneer. Then his eyes widen again before he looks away. “So I've been told. I got one as change for a coffee once. That's how it came up.”

He's not capable of the truth. But I ask one more question anyway. “Is this why we haven't been together in weeks?”

“We're together right now,” Timmy says. Sweat mixes with his alpine-scented cologne. Our dining room reeks of it. I'll eat in the den, once again.

“You know what I mean.”

“Intimately? I haven't felt well. My stomach. Another reason I suspected cancer!” He nods his head, as if he's convinced himself.

I shake mine and throw the balled up tissue from my hand at him. Of course, it barely crosses the polished oak surface. Still, that's further than the one still caught in the candelabra. “No. Intimate was showing your junk to Henrietta. Intimate was her calling a doctor instead of reporting you to human resources for exposing yourself at work to a coworker.”

He rolls his eyes, crosses his arms over his massive chest, and leans back until the chair creaks. “It's not like I lit candles and read her poetry while she looked. You're overreacting. I'm right, you're wrong.”

I shake my head. “Tell Henrietta you'll be staying with her. And that I'd like to swap copies; her next STD test for mine. May as well put our cards on the table. Anyone else that needs testing while we're at it? The two-dollar bill strippers you mentioned?”

“You're not going to throw me out. You need me. It's the same threat every time.”

I reach into the tissue box I've been crushing. Under the last tissue is the doll. I didn't plan to do this. Okay, maybe I did. The last time he made me cry a box of tears, I swore to myself that it'd never happen again. I grab the letter opener, the sharp little dagger we got in Haiti on our honeymoon. When the woman told me one day I'd be glad for these things, I thought it was a joke. A tourism rouse. I plunge the dagger into the tissue box, speaking the words and filled with belief. Across the table, Timmy grabs his chest.

I just saved a bunch of money on divorce lawyers by switching to voodoo.

By Jamie

758 words

There Are Geckos in Haiti #WEP #FlashFiction


  1. Wow!!! Love it! I think Timmy is getting exactly what is his due! :)

  2. That voodoo doll is getting a real workout! Love it!

    Happy Halloween!

  3. Justice is slow, but has sharp, sharp teeth. Or do I mean pins?
    Love it.

  4. I reckon that lying so-and-so got what he deserved. I hope he had a good life insurance policy, though. She may have gotten rid of him by sticking a pin in that voodoo doll, but I'm afraid SHE'S gonna be stuck with all his medical bills.

    Good job!

  5. Oh, those filthy liars! Timmy definitely deserved what was coming to him.

  6. Seems like the perfect time to switch to voodoo, lol. He's a very bad liar!

  7. He spilled that garbage, expecting her to believe him? Got what he deserved, yes. *Halloween cackle*

  8. Yeah, I wouldn't have believed a word he said either. She had every right to be angry with him. Possible cancer turned out to be the least of his worries in the grand scheme of things.

  9. Hell hath no fury...
    The lies kept piling up... and he believed his own lies? Serves him right!

  10. A tangled web of lies , with a surprisingly amusing ending. Well done.

  11. Well done - I bet she didn't help him once he'd fallen with his hand to his chest ... but exactly he really did deserve what was coming ... cheers Hilary

  12. Loved it Jamie. Loved the progression of the tale and the little images that showed more than what we're seeing - the tissue in the candelabra. Smart. He sounds like a real loser and many would say he deserved what he got.

  13. Good for her she switched to Voodoo. He got his just desserts. This was a great read, loved the dark humour. Nice work!

  14. Yes, he certainly got what he deserved, what a creep. Saving the Voodoo doll until it's definitely needed, great stuff.

  15. Very entertaining... Must always keep the little dolls handy. LOL

  16. I'm stil shocked about this dude dropping his pants a work. Why exactly does he think 1st that it's perfectly normal and 2nd that telling his wife shouldn't be an issue. This man is clearly suffering from an undiagnosed brain tumor. She just saved him from a long drawn out, deteriating death, plus more bills. She did what she had too. Nicely done.

  17. You described the philandering well. Don't know if he deserved the voodoo death but I can understand how angry she would feel. Good thing those voodoo dolls are not available to all angry spouses. ;)

  18. Good for her! Although I saw it coming, I could not WAIT to read it! Sweet revenge...

  19. That's a great story. I don't feel sorry for the victim of the voodoo, not one little bit!

  20. Yep, sometimes you get what you deserve and that man did deserve it. They will just think he had a heart attack, so she's off the hook. I just thought she'd have to do a spell or something beforehand or have a hair or nail from the person for it to work. Good story for Halloween.

  21. What kind of man drops his pants at work? And in front of a female employee? Voodoo is too good for him.

  22. Time to switch my car insurance. Ha ha.
    Nice work with this story. Guess that's one way to handle things.

  23. A voodoo doll from their honeymoon? Sounds like a prenuptial arrangement - like that paper knife.Great dialogue. [Note: ruse not rouse? - 3rd to last line.]

  24. haha one way to avoid a nasty divorce and fees. Serves him right.

  25. Down for the count because
    of her suspicious mind
    he's probably been doing it
    for a very long time

    a voodoo doll, a knife
    the doctors won't see
    I'm just glad he
    is not me


Leave a unique or fun message here: