Thursday, May 19, 2016

Two tweets toward a chance to win

Check out @PenMinion's Tweet:

That tweet is your chance to win $1000 worth of notebooks for following some Instagram accounts.

This tweet is about dreams. Accomplishing dreams is a life win.

I'm going to add to my dream comment answer here. (Frankly,  3 comments on one post is probably a bit much... )

I'm not sure how to word this dream, so bear with me. (You can also bare with me if you want to get naked. Ha ha.)

Due to my respiratory condition,  I'm heat intolerant. Warm air feels like breathing in shards of glass. Slow, painful suffocation. (Zero pleasure. No idea what pleasure some people get from not breathing,  but whatever "wire" in the brain has that,  mine was cut.)

My best friend,  Renee, totally understands. When I visit her, she's got the air cranked. If she can't get her whole house cool, she at least makes safe spots for me. And sits with me. Granted,  she enjoys the cool air,  so it's easier. Or maybe she's just superwoman. I don't know, but I love her for it. I never feel guilty or unsafe at her place.

Family members will sometimes set a little cold area up for me. Away from everyone. Away from the food, drinks, bathroom,  and merriment. My own personal leper colony. I've sat on a chair outside and watched Christmas through the window. I understand ghosts.

I've sat at a friend's house. She was wrapped up under two blankets and still shivering. She asked if I was cold enough, and noted that I looked bright red. I lied and said I was fine. I can't bring myself to say,  "no, I'm roasting hot" while the host is freezing at 72° F. Especially knowing that it'll be another 12° until I'm okay. I feel guilty,  and my mind is listing the place as unsafe, which breaks my heart.

I frequently lie about being okay when I'm not. I deal with this disorder punishing me. But taking down my friends and family? That's why I became an introvert.

Yes, I've heard it's not a choice. But I was the host or co-host of parties. Ever been to a party where you only know 1 person? BEEN? I'VE THROWN THEM!  I made a ton of friends that night... nights... The rager kind of lasted a few days, with people just coming and going. I moved to a town where I didn't know a soul, and I loved it. I made friends. I took over social groups. And it wasn't the first time. When I lived in West Virginia, I was the most popular girl in the school. Upper and lower classmates came to me for advice. I didn't realize I held the title until people told me. It was just me being me. For the record, I was nice, not a mean girl. Okay, maybe to Jim, but the perv needed a smack. Anyway

I'm not bragging. I'm pointing out history. I leave my house once a week now. Sometimes twice. But usually once. On Tuesday,  to be with my writing friends. Except November, oh sweet tasty Nov,  where we meet up several times a yummy week, mmmmmmm. ♡

That's who I am now. Sounds like an introvert. But am I? It's a choice I made because I hate having other people freezing to keep me from extreme pain. I can't bring myself to ask them to be colder. I haven't even spent more than a few hours at my parents house because my dad can't take the cold, and trying to get it cool for me and then warm for him was exhausting my mom,  so I just stopped going.

So what's the dream in this? To not feel guilty, pain, or outcasted when hanging out with people? Yeah, I guess so. I dream of having this nice house where people can come over and there's room to sit. But I know I'll have to buy mini heaters for them, or I'll just be watching from another room. People aren't coming. For the same damn reason so few want to go to Antarctica. (Okay, maybe some other cold place, because I want to go! The trip costs like 16 grand, which is my not-packing-right-now reason.)

Dream to earn enough money for that trip from writing?

Would I survive the flight? What if the plane was hot? The boat leaves from South America. Not exactly known for being cold.

I'm off topic. And I still don't know how to properly word my dream. I guess it's the same one as the getting better dream. But it isn't. This one is about dealing while I wait to get better, or dealing because I won't (short of a medical breakthrough).

End thoughts.

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