SILENCE! I Kill You. -- JEFF DUNHAM #quote

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 14 – How do you reign in self critical voices?

I replace them with the kind, happy voices of my friends who I see every week. 

🤔😭

Except for the last 52 weeks.

😷 Have I mentioned my anger that anti-maskers want this pandemic to last LONGER??? 

"Not uhhh... we don't even believe it exists! We just don't wanna do the work to make it stop. Easier to blame others and create conspiracy theories than follow the guidelines! And if we injure or mame someone as a result 🤷‍♀️ then they probably didn't deserve to exist." 

These are people that could have an actual 🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️ zombie apocalypse outside their door and be all, "they're just life-challenged. Run em over and move on. It's probably swamp gas anyway." 

For those who believe, no explanation is needed, FOR THOSE WHO DON'T, NONE WILL EVER DO. 

-Xfiles

Actually, we have excellent scientific explanations. But these fools don't believe in science. Part of me wants to quarantine them all in Texas and ... no, they'll celebrate getting walled in and deported. 

Too bad the vaccine isn't in the water and sprayed from planes. They'd all move to their bunkers and stop infecting the rest of us. 

🤔 Can we... can we make that conspiracy theory happen? Create that lie for the greater good? "Even with the water and air vaccine, we still recommend getting the actual shot. 💉"

I have veered off topic. Well, when you mostly talk to yourself, there is no one to reign you in. 

https://youtu.be/ssVaMwTYyPc

****NOTE!!!!

My Twitter account has been suspended for this post. 
Suggesting that using this puppet to "kill" my self-critical voices is a violation of Twitter's TOS. 

Panhandling

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 13 – How do you engage with panhandlers on the street?

I have a tough time with this question. 

When I lived in Philly, I'm pretty sure it was illegal to both panhandle and to give money to them from your car. But Philly Pretzel Company 🥨 changed things. They had them selling pre-bagged 4 for $1 soft pretzels at busy intersections. This was legal. And 🤤 you have no idea how good those pretzels are. They melt in your mouth. Lets say that I purchased some.

Fast forward to more recently, like 2 years ago. *pre-covid

There was one near the (basically defunct) mall by my house. I was going to the Starbucks in the parking lot area. I observed him, off and on, for about two hours while I sat there typing. So I used my "stars" and "free refill" to get a free muffin and coffee. (They give you a new cup, the word refill is misleading.) He thanked me and I saw him dive into the gift as I drove off. So I felt good.

But a month later, there's another guy on the intersection by the McD's 🍔. And I saw someone in the line ahead of me give him a bag of food. He waited a moment and then tossed it. I noticed he was wearing very expensive looking sneakers. I'm not saying he couldn't have gotten them from a charity, or didn't deserve nice shoes. But if you're throwing food and wearing nice shoes, are you begging because you need help, or have you just decided this is the "job" for you? It was peculiar and I drove past. A woman never knows if this will be the guy who plans to abduct her. 😕

But what bothered me the most was when I was 14 and in Washington DC, being honored for my poetry publications. My mom and I toured the city. There were SO MANY homeless vets! 💔 To my mind, that should not exist. Taxes should give them shelter forever. And health services. Forget that stupid wall-- build free homes for any veteran who wants one. No questions asked. You serve in the Army, Navy, Airforce, Coastguard, Marines, or National Guard-- free home along the border, no taxes, for as long as you want. And nearby VA stuff and stores. And a free bus or subway or whatever that runs 24/7. BUT I'M ONE OF THOSE BLEEDING HEART LIBERALS WHO BELIEVES IN SUPPORTING THE TROOPS. 

Unplug

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 12 – Have you ever unplugged from the Internet for more than a week?

I mean... not to point out my age... but I didn't even the Internet until I was in college. I had a friend who had AOL at home in ninth grade, but omg she had an addiction problem. And dial-up was billed by the minute. (The younger people reading that sentence are gonna need a translator. Ha ha ha.) 

Here is the oldest saved email I could find. It's from 2004.
(I had older ones saved, but the folders are empty??? I guess even paid email services can delete saved emails after 17 years.)

ANYWAY. Could I live without going online for a week? Sure. 
But hasn't Covid isolated me enough from the world? 
I already talk to inanimate objects. You wanna take away my Facebook and Twitter too? Not unless you're gonna give me humans! Or cats. 

Rant about Antimaskers

The virus has proven to have a stronger will to survive than many humans. It is the superior species. It will continue to evolve faster than humans. And because a group of humans has given up the fight and turned a blind eye to this enemy, the virus will win.

The virus will mutate beyond the vaccine. The brave humans who opt to fight the virus will have to keep pace with the evolutions, or strains, because the humans who don't fight will assist the virus in mutating. 

It will be a race to see who goes extinct first: The virus and those who have chosen not to fight it, or the humans who are ready to accept more difficult survival methods to win the war.

The virus will never quit. It will fight to survive until it is eradicated. It has no other mission. It is more determined to survive than the human race. It is better suited to survive than humans. It will take nothing into consideration except for survival. 

Humans are already quitting. Humans are willing to let an "acceptable" percent of people die rather than fight. They'll even claim it wasn't the virus. They'll list things that matter more to them than the survival of the species. This has already been proven by the way the environment  has been mistreated-- not that the humans who don't fight the virus believe there's anything wrong with the environment, either. They aren't really invested in survival. Some of them are more interested in what might happen after death.

Curiously, many of those more interested in what happens after death have a list of rules they are to live by in order to obtain the desired post-life outcome. Among those rules are a mandate to protect human life and love other humans. Which means that, in deciding not to fight the virus, they forfeit the right to that afterlife. Except if this is pointed out, they respond with a "not uh." The logical reply is, "yeah hu." But it does no good because they believe only what they want to believe. So they think there is no virus, or they weren't created with the brains to fight it (an insult to the One they believe created them, if they believe they are of the same image), or that the virus is meant to win. There is probably some other nonsense reason in there, but frankly, I've endured all the mind numbingly stupid I can take.

So they're out there burning masks. Including handmade masks. Ones crafted by their fellow Americans during this pandemic. Made, and burned, in the USA. Because they do not honestly care about the economy or American jobs. Making those masks is an actual job. Making the material for the masks is an actual job. A college degree is not required to become a crafter selling masks on the Internet. No big, evil corporation was running those crafters. 🤔 But hot damn, there were a lot of WOMEN making money doing this job. And now, while mask mandates are still in place and the virus numbers remain largely unchanged, the battle against masks and the Americans who make them has begun. IF YOU BURN A MASK MADE IN THE USA BY AN AMERICAN, YOU HATE 🇺🇸AMERICA AND SMALL BUSINESSES. And probably don't like it when women turn a profit, either. Keep right on pretending it's about something else. 

Are masks 100% effective? No. But they are better than nothing. They have to be made correctly, worn correctly, and include the social distancing aspect. They need to be properly cleaned. And worn consistently when among people. Proper quarantine procedure wasn't followed. So the masks could only do so much. The virus doesn't slack off. The virus didn't take a break for Thanksgiving. And guess what? It isn't gonna take a holiday for St. Patrick's day! 

Rant, Fear and Theft

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 10 – Have you ever been genuinely afraid for your physical safety?

March 11 – Have you ever stolen anything? (Money, candy, hearts, time?)

I missed yesterday by the hour. Whoops. It was a messed up day. A certain company doesn't know to hire smart people to install a wireless network. So my husband had off because there isn't work to do without the computers. But the new building certainly looks clean and shiny! (Also, the lights are all motion sensor. So if you 🚽 use the toilet for more than 3 minutes 💩 you'll be pooping in total darkness.) The computers require Internet to work. So it's a good thing the new warehouse is the middle of nowhere (it's still a corn field 🌽 on Google maps) where there's no functioning wifi or high-speed Internet access or even a decent cell tower. ("Can you hear me now?" One bar.) Yeah. Planning is obviously the strong suit. 🤦‍♀️

Okay. Back to the questions.

Yup. 

I have been in survival  situations more than once. Would you like to hear about the armed druggie on the porch when I was 9? How about either stalker when I was a teen? The time a knife was held to my neck? Or the day at work that I unknowingly inhaled a chemical that forever damaged my lungs? Maybe the time I turned blue at the doctor? Or when the code team was called because I wasn't breathing?

Sadly, I can go on. That isn't a complete list. That's the surface. 

I'm excellent at surviving. I don't know why. I have no idea why I'm still here half the time. Maybe there will be a reason for it someday. I don't know.

As for stealing...

What a fabulous idea! Admit to a crime in writing on a public place. What's the statute of limitations for this situation?

🤔

I'll admit to this:

When I worked at the dollar store, I went from stock person to keyholder in under a month, and then to assistant manager 4 months later. I didn't intend for that to be a real job. It was supposed to be money between classes at college while I moved back home to make lying to me more difficult... I mean, to be with my family who were dropping like flies and lying about it. 😑 Never mind.

Anyway. So I became the only person with a key. Which means I had to be in the store from 6am to Midnight every day. That's 6 hours off- minus 1 for driving. I had 5 hours a day to sleep, shower, do laundry (I was only permitted to own 3 company shirts- required to be worn), and make food.

So you bet your ass I stole a mug and a box of tea and sat there having a cup every morning. And I stole a cup-of-soup every day for lunch. I wasn't allowed to go across the damn street for Mc freaking Donalds or Taco damn Bell. 

Do I feel guilty? DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE I GOT PAID? No. I do not. They left me to run 18 hour shifts without a day off for 3 weeks straight. 

And why was I alone with keys? Because they fired two people with years of experience. For what? GETTING ROBBED.

That's right. If you were held at gunpoint, you got fired. One was my best friend at the time. She got me the job. And then got held up. And then fired for it. 

Dollar stores, by the way, get robbed a lot. People also steal from dollar stores all the time. Mostly toothpaste, toothbrushes, and socks. We caught several 20-somethings who stole these things and resold them on the street (for more than a dollar, so how dumb are your customers).

Would I have stolen if I could leave to buy food? No. Could I have used my ten cent employee discount to buy the sodium-laced soup? Sure. But honestly, I felt a one dollar meal was the LEAST they could do for me. Especially because I had been to HQ, where they get a fresh spread of food twice a day every day that people there can help themselves to. My $1 soup is way less than your bagels and fruit bowls. So 🖕 

Teachers

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 9 – Has a teacher ever changed your life? How so?

Yeah. I had a few excellent teachers who come to mind. But Mrs. Schwartz always comes to mind first. She supported my writing.

She also tried to encourage me to improve my handwriting. That didn't take. Sorry. 

But I am still writing. I wish I could find some of my notebooks from back then. They're in a box in a closet somewhere, I hope. I wonder if it would surprise her that I don't write just horror anymore? 

Operating at Full Capacity

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 8 – Do you think you’re currently operating at 100% capacity?

I do not.

I already had a chronic health issue. Then the pandemic came in. So no. I'm at somewhere around 60% on a good day. 

How often have I had a good day this year? I have a spreadsheet for that.