Uniquely Maladjusted and Not Funny

Yup, I'm still suspended. 

The number of Jeff Dunham specials I've watched over the years... the number of times I've laughed at his jokes... 

The number of times I've fought self-critical voices in my head...

The voices know right where to hit. 

"Oh, you'd like to travel to X? Think your lungs would hold up? Think your back and legs won't give out? What about climate control? Food allergies? You really think it's safe to go anywhere and do anything?"

In the last year, I have barely left my apartment. I had to start taking extra vitamins because the total lack of sun exposure impacted my health. I don't see people. I have taken to referring to my husband as "my only human." 

And I meow. A lot. A very abnormal amount. I meow at the coffee cup. I hiss at the kitchen drawer when it sticks. Sometimes I just sit here and randomly meow to myself just to make a sound. Sometimes I watch too much tv just so I can hear the sound of people talking. 

The self-critical voices are very loud. And to even suggest that I could kill them is ridiculous. I have lost that power. They win more often than not. 

But I get on Twitter and use ResistBot to reach out to my elected officials. I fight for causes. I tweet to people. I follow friends. 

Or I did.

Now I don't. Because I'm suspended. For threatening to kill the self-critical voices in my head, a threat made with a Jeff Dunham puppet joke. 

Guess it isn't funny to threaten those self-critical voices. They are protected by Twitter's Terms of Service. I should have known better. 

Stupid

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

I haven't kept up with this. 

If I  hadn't done the challenge, I wouldn't have discussed self critical voices. I wouldn't have gone on a blogging rant about how scared and sad I am from quarantining for a year. I should just keep my mouth shut, or fingers off the keys. 

A lesson I still haven't embraced as here I am, sharing my disappointment in myself for violating the Twitter terms of service by suggesting "murderous violence" against self critical voices 🧠 (which apparently have more rights than I do). I'm disappointed in myself for making such a foolish mistake. 😔

https://www.instagram.com/p/CMn_dOflKlzFWLocFZ-RVQVcUprSwWTRWwSnLE0

Twitter Suspended Me for Quoting Jeff Dunham

"I do NOT believe that my account violated the rules. "You may not threaten violence against an individual or a group of people." I did not threaten any individual or humans. 

https://uniquelymaladjustedbutfun.blogspot.com/2021/03/silence-i-kill-you.html

That's the link to the blog post.

"How do you reign in self critical voices?" is the topic. 

Responding with a Jeff Dunham video of his puppet saying "Silence! I kill you!" is both funny, and also a threat only to my own self critical voices. If I saw someone in the psychiatric community, or took Prozac, that would also be killing my self critical voices, and considered a positive step toward proper mental health. 

But what's REALLY disturbing --

Go on Twitter. Go to "gif" and type the EXACT phrase of which I'm suspended for. Go ahead. Oh look, there it is! 

You'll allow a gif of the puppet saying it. But if I title a blog post and post a video from YouTube of that same puppet using the same quote, I'm violating the rules?

YOU LET JEFF DUNHAM HAVE AN ACCOUNT. He's a ventriloquist. He is the human saying it. He isn't suspended. But I'm suspended for quoting him? He gets millions of dollars, I get suspended? 

What happened to fair and equal treatment? 

Are you also suspending everyone who uses that gif? 

The gif is readily available on your website right now.

Why is that?

Why do you have a gif that, if someone were to use it, they would be suspended?

Why are you allowing Jeff Dunham to have an account? He's going to keep doing shows with the puppet. Gonna keep right on using that catchphrase. And the puppet? He isn't referencing killing self critical voices. The puppet is joking about terrorists blowing people up. But Jeff Dunham is a celebrity, so you allow it. But I'm a no one, so you take away all my followers and following and indefinitely suspend me FOR QUOTING A COMEDIAN'S PUPPET. 

Meanwhile, you allow others to use the exact same quote.

Why am I being targeted? 

PLUS, I took the tweet down, as the suspension required. 

I joked about a puppet killing my self critical voices.

Are you against mental therapy?

Are you in favor of self critical voices? 

Where's the equality? "

OH LOOK! They'll allow the Gifs.

Gif = okay
Video of puppet= not okay
🤔

No following. No followers. 

This is 🐂💩.

https://twitter.com/jeffdunham 
That account exists!

#IfTwitterBlowsUp ... I did it. #Silence !! #IBlockYou ! pic.twitter.com/8dYp1ccMlQ

— Jeff Dunham (@jeffdunham) April 4, 2015

ACHMED: Silence...wait for it... I KEEL YOU! #dunham

— Jeff Dunham (@jeffdunham) September 26, 2011

Oh. We're offended by proper spelling now? Is that it?

 

Bad Voices Win

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 17 – What are you an expert on? Is it because of training, lived experience, or both?

I don't know. 

I'm still suspended from Twitter. It was supposed to be for 12 hours. 

For quoting a puppet.

For threatening to kill negative voices in my head. 

Guess the negative voices won. And they say I'm not an expert in anything. Don't argue, you might get blocked on social media.

Or become Jeff Dunham and make millions.

🙄

I would like equal treatment.

Quoting @jeffdunham Puppet got me Suspended on Twitter

I have been suspended for quoting a puppet. @jeffdunham has a puppet with a catchphrase. https://twitter.com/search?q=%40jeffdunham%20silence%20I%20kill%20you&src=typed_query

If you are suspending me for that, I certainly hope you have also suspended EVERY ONE OF THESE ACCOUNTS AS WELL. And yes, if you clicked the link in my tweet, you'd see it was clearly a reference to the puppet's catchphrase. 

This blog post will appear in 12 hours. Achmed the Dead Terrorist... your catchphrase violates Twitter's rules. 

Maybe my self-critical voices can't be reigned in, because threatening to kill the bad voices in my head got me suspended.

Meanwhile... Jeff Dunham is over there making money hand over fist for using the words. Okay. Just so we're clear.

The Cheese State

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 16 – If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her?

I already covered this. 15 year old me would kick my ass. First off, she wouldn't believe me that our life goes this way. I would not be able to convince her. 

But there are a few ups of my life. John, Nicki, Katie, Mike, Renee... 

And if I weren't on this life path, I might not have them. 🦋

Then again, John also worked with my mom, so it's possible, not likely but possible, that we still could have met. And three of the best friends I listed are writers, so we still might have met in much the same way. And Renee's life has been complicated enough that we still might have met, but probably not as co-workers.

So, okay. What could I tell young me? That the friends she has will betray her? That everyone she knows will lie to her in 2 years, and that lie will derail her life and destroy everything? That her boyfriend will survive brain surgery, and the doctors are wrong, because he's gonna live another decade. 

Young me would at least be grateful for the last one. Of course, the reason he lived is because he went SUPER HEALTHY. Growing his own food and everything. So she'd have to not tell him, that way he'd fight for life. 

And do a way better job fighting than me. Maybe she should go to Wisconsin. I don't know. Then move back here when he's gone. And then meet John. It only changes the timeline by a little. 

Actually... it changes EVERYTHING. Because if I was in Wisconsin, I would not inhale that chemical. My lungs would work. And life would be vastly different. 

🧀

Obstacles of Life

A friend of mine is doing this 31 questions in March blogging writing challenge (https://marquessamatthews.com/2021/02/10/want-to-join-me-for-a-writing-challenge-alexandrafranzen/). I don't know if I'll manage to do the whole month. 

March 15 – If you could choose your own life obstacles, would you keep the ones you have?

Hard pass on keeping these. I was prepared for a lot of scenarios. But I ended up with ones that I refused could believe could be my fate.

Seriously. A high school boyfriend once painted a verbal picture of our future. Of him coming home from work and my being there, making us dinner...

I LAUGHED.

I laughed hard. It bordered on cruel.

"No. I'll come home. You can be cooking."

Yeah. And here I am, my lungs broken, and ... my husband comes home to my cooking. My high school self would kill me. 🗡 Young me would stab 40s me without hesitation. And if she knew about half of the other stuff, she'd stab herself too. 

I have failed my obstacles. And I am tired of failing. And I'm really tired of failing because I followed the rules, especially when people who aren't saddled with rules can win by just not following the same rules. 😤

I just... can't anymore 😑😒😖😭😡😬🤪🙊